My Thought Space...

A Pause

2006-10-08T08:29:00.000-05:00

I've stopped. Atleast for a moment. ek lamhaa. I bid farewell for now--but promise to back sometime,somehow.

An Eye Opener-II

2006-07-02T09:54:00.000-05:00

Didi, kuch khaane ke liye hai?(Sister, are there any leftovers?) Large beseeching black eyes on an emaciated face. A dusty contour. Those faces still come back to me like I’d seen them yesterday. Smudged dark spots on their hollow cheeks proved that food was scarce—on most nights. Their ribs protruded out of their skin like the stumps of the trees stand out in the backdrop after a massive forest fire. No slippers on their feet, no clothes on their body except a tiny piece of cloth that covered their waist & part of their legs. There they stood: a band of three very young boys with scratched grimy steel bowls.
She stood there in a gleaming white shirt & black corduroy trousers looking over them and she had never felt worst. The rich did infact did get richer and the poor poorer. She fumbled through her pockets and brought out two 5-rupee coins. With a smile she handed it over to them while saying “Dukaan jaake chocolate ya kuch khareed lena..abhi toh mere paas aur kuch nahi hai”
If you have ever had the fortune of watching the Sun rising as it banishes shadows out of every niche & corner, this was precisely how those boys’ faces metamorphosed as wide grins lite up their faces. It was evident that they had never received any sympathy lèst such benevolence of heart. Off they ran to the local store & picked out the kind they wanted.
She couldn’t help but laugh after them.

And so everytime after that they saw her they salaamed and skipped over to say hello. Never to ask for money or food mind you; but for the acceptance & gratification they felt for the very first time where before they had stones cast at them. They were mocked, ridiculed & made little of. They were just those boys that wandered in a meaningless existence.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--Incidents like these drastically change how you perceive life: at first I had a hawk eye’s view where I was blissfully unaware. I soared above & was content doing that. I really did not want to swoop down below & come face-to-face with the veracity of things. Now I have a microscopic one. Where the harsher realities come into focus as I turn the fine focus knob. And it creates a sharp image of discontent.

On My Flight Home

2006-06-18T12:39:00.000-05:00

At first they looked like they were little black spots in the horizon as the dark purple veil of the night lifted and the orange-golden of the Sun widened. But as the altitude dropped where I was almost face-to-face with the Sun I witnessed the terrain of the great Alps. Stretching for miles and miles their towering ridges loomed in the distance. Orange-white clouds floated above them. Nestled within their cocoon lay the city of Milan.
As the aircraft took a loop to position itself for landing I viewed the most breathtaking sight. It was as if for a moment I was viewing a plain sheet of brown-grey paper with ridges on it and then in an instant it was covered with the most marvelous colors. The Sun had risen higher in the sky as the slanted golden rays spread over the vista of a exquisite green landscape with azure blue rivers twisting out of it surrounded by the towering Alps dotted with tiny white houses with tilted brown roofs. For a rapturous second I could not refrain but think of it as a picture-perfect city straight out of a fairytale or even a lovely watercolor by Monét.
The thundering wheels hit the ground & raced on the runway before skidding to a halt. I felt an instant chill hit me as I stepped on the airfield even in the month of May. An almost empty airport greeted me. I could hear the rumbling & whistling sounds as flights landed & took off & the occasional swish of a maintenance man’s mop but other than that there was silence. The floors gleamed at me in the stillness.
I had 2 hours before my connecting flight took off for Mumbai so I strolled around peering through the windows of duty-free shops & envying the women who actually bought those very elegant yet highly priced purses & jewelry. I wandered to my terminal inside which I spied a small café that sold coffee, tea & other refreshments where I had the most amazing cup of cappuccino. “2 Euros senÕrita” which was 5 dollars! However exorbitantly priced it was a fantastic cup of java that woke me right up from a very tiring & cramped seating flight. So there I sat with a steaming cup as the sunlight poured in- delicate golden rays that bounced off my sparkling spoon & coffee cup. I gazed at the flights that took off & landed as the airfield maintenance crew scurried around. I could see some of the snow caped crowning of the Alps that now looked like they were wearing white hats, grey blouses & black skirts just the way the Sun had risen & the shadows fell.
And I vowed that I would return as I walked away to step on my flight home.

On my WMP: Mitwa-Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna

Painful Scrutiny

2006-06-08T11:36:00.000-05:00

Speed: 4.5, Incline: 3.5. And she kept increasing it even though her nerve endings fired away urgent messages of pain and fatigue. But she kept running with a determined look on her face as tiny beads of sweat developed on her forehead and arms. Weights, stomach crunches, stairs, treadmill. Again & again. She was sick of not being appreciated-not only for who she was but also for how she looked. Everytime they saw her picture they only comment that came out was “Oh! You’ve put on quite a bit of weight!” And whenever they saw her after a span of time there were no sweet & affectionate welcomes but only the biting remarks of how fat she had become.
People told her all the time that she was extremely cute with a combination of sexiness and had an immense charm of her own. But she seemed not to hear it-she heard it-but did not imbibe it because of the many voices in her head that had boomed in there since she was a child -- “you’re fat you know!”
She had always bought size “L” t-shirts as she wanted to conceal what was beneath them – a grotesque body with an even more disappointing person within. She wasn’t really like that but she knew nothing better of herself. Everytime they saw an “L” size t-shirt lying around they always laughed and handed it over to her saying, “This can only be yours!”
She always remembered those numerous times when they wouldn’t let her eat cheese puffs or more than one slice of pizza because “You’ll become even more bulkier than you already are!”
And over the years she was bullied and criticized thus with words dripping with mockery. She hide within her bedcovers and cried her eyes out everytime this happened and vowed to someday be the ‘perfect’ woman they preferred her to be and tell each one of them off.
It still rings in her ear sometimes. “You’ll never find a husband if you keep being so adamant & not doing all the work in the house!” They keep preaching it to her. Day after day.
I have never till this day understood why women are put through such torture of always having to prove themselves – in their appearance and typically all spheres of life- from homemaking to careers to childbearing. It is a raging epidemic of ‘being-perfect’ for a woman that has become exceedingly so pervasive. And in the end it hasn’t brought on productive results for the woman but rather it has greatly damaged a woman’s being, her confidence, her independence, and her willpower. Because not only does she not know her own self but infact is jabbed & pushed repeatedly to a woman she is ‘expected’ to be.
- I know what it did to me. The repeated abuse of verbal criticisms and sarcasm left me very hurt, anguished and made me further withdraw in my insecurities and anger. And it took me many a gentle coaxing and impelling to come out from it. And sometimes, I still have relapses.
And rummaging through the remaining shards of my self-identity and confidence was very difficult. But as I grow older and more mature I always remind myself that the girl who was intimidated & scorned at no longer exists because now she knows better—she knows that she has a great deal more to accomplish in life than merely a kitchen, a few pots & pans & a life in drudgery because she firstly wants to form her own self by herself molding who she is & know what she wants & not simply being acknowledged in the future as the overweight Mrs. Somebody- the wife of so-and-so but rather as the very elegant, smart & talented woman who is a successful wife, mother, daughter but also importantly a individual who has contributed to the world and the progress of humanity by strengthening her self-identity & having the courage of standing up for herself.

My Quest For The Truth

2006-05-28T09:58:00.000-05:00

Religion – irrespective of which one, never really did fascinate me. At least not enough to start voraciously reading up on it. I think I lived in a blissful state of unawareness till now where my generally extremely curious mind slept. But something at the back of my mind has had me hooked now and I am craving to know more.
Hence I have been poking around in books, on websites and reading papers published that document some of the actual happenings of all the major religions of the world right from the crux to its origins to contemporary practices. I have spoken to numerous people who adhere to a particular religion devoutly and probed them with questions. After all this though it has left me utterly perplexed.
There are highly skewed views flung everywhere that contradict incessantly and therefore in the end, it has become extremely hard for me to decipher the truth. Sometimes it infuriates me to know however that all that I am reading and hearing might be a terribly altered version of the true fundamentals just like a spiced up remake of an old classic movie that just isn’t that good.
Sure enough every religion as we know it at the moment is not what it was originally known and made out to be. Societal rules and local culture, politics and then the fanatical greed of some that tainted it for their own desires pooled into it and now – we have a well-blended mixture that is administered today. Hundreds of wars have been fought in the name of God and atrocities are still perpetrated everyday that in my view will never be vindicated. By all this I am not saying that I have the supreme authority to judge the faith of millions but it definitely does make me wonder for myself.
I have always understood that religion is a fraction of life that leads to the betterment of an individual but it does not rule his rationalè by making its followers abide by a certain set of rules that then guarantee his ‘salvation’. Infact I believe that our faith is not actually in what religion and God we follow but heavily relies on who we really are and how positively we’ve lived so far. How we've touched lives and made it a better world in our ways. Whether or not we have contributed to humanity. Whosoever said this said it very well “In the end what matters is not the years in your life, but the life in your years."
I often wonder though how it is feasible for every man who has the capacity to reflect and question to blindly consent to the daily dose of religion offered in holy books and otherwise without actually grasping all of it and then sifting to know what they discern is right. And trust me, I have met plenty of people who propagate their opinions and fling allegations around like they are pieces of trash. It is not justified when without knowing them with clarity and having a solid foundation to base them on you rest the blame on others shoulders claiming they are in the wrong. As Hellen Keller said "To be blind is bad, but to have eyes and not see is worst.”
I also barely think that judging fellow men based on their religion, sexual orientation, critiquing other religions for being inferior for any number of reasons and entirely --even their path of religious focus and objectivities are a matter for any inequity whatsoever and in no way substantiates the strength of your conviction in your own faith when you yourself don’t know it all. It is your highest moral acceptance and actions that makes you a better human being and closer to God than merely hide behind the pages of a holy book and justifying your beliefs.
In supposition it is somewhat like when you let your devout faith become like a blindfold over your eyes and like your untied shoelaces that make you constantly trip over and lurch in your path that they become a problem. And sooner or later another individual will stumble over you as you falter to collect yourself.
It is important that we know that your true religion lies in your very own heart and mind- not in holy books – where beyond anything else it is important first that we know who we really are. It is very much in our place to question and we should. Build up our own ideals and principles and not entirely base them on what we have been told but rather on what we have seen and felt. Building empathy for other religions and relating ourselves to every human being out there is the first step. If we truly want the world to be a better place we need to start with ourselves.
~I know my truest religion – beyond any boundaries of books and prayers lies in my helping a blind man across the street or giving a beggar child a hot meal. It means discovering my own paths through pain joy and pleasures. Through my experiences--good and bad. And truly, this poem describes it all:
The Mind is my house
Truth is my worship
Love is my Law
Form is my manifestation
Conscience is my guide
Peace is my shelter
Experience is my school
Obstacle is my lesson
Difficulty is my stimulant
Joy is my hymn
Pain is my warning
Work is my blessing
Light is my realisation
Struggle is my opportunity
Future time is my promise
Equilibrium is my attitude
Order is my path
Beauty is my Ideal
Perfection is my Destiny

Currently reading: Jesus Papers by Michael Baigent

My 100th Post

2006-05-25T22:06:00.000-05:00

If my blog were a mirror-- my identity, wisdom & my truest passions would be its reflections. Through blogging friendships were made that were like those flickering candles in the darkness. Or the beam of light from the lighthouse for the ships during a massive storm. Anonymous people who in different parts of the world touched me with their words, their inspirations like a pebble dropped in a stream. As I look at my past 99 posts, I see the metamorphosis of my thoughts over the period of these two years. From the cheery, bubbly immature slightly superficial me I have come far to the extremely profound yet highly determined stronger mature me. I am still very much the girl I was those 99 posts ago but it seems to me that a comforting blanket of my security and faith within myself has wrapped itself around me.
Oliver Wendell Holmes once said "Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions." Mine never did but I am glad with how it did and how it is today. It stretched me to the horizons I could never attain if I hadn't known them.
And so, thanks all of you who cared.

India...

2006-05-17T10:52:00.000-05:00

(In the background: Missing You-Vande Mataram-A.R. Rehman & Electro-Indian Mix-Midival Punditz)
Countless people have posed questions at me asking to describe how and what India is but every single time – I always shake my head and say, “Even all the words in the entire world, in every dialect, cannot capture the essence of India.”
For me India means the warmth of a mother’s tenderness where I am accepted no matter who I am and what I do. It has always felt like a lovely cocoon where I spent all the tender years of my life changing from an ordinary moth to a lovely butterfly. It gave me wings to fly sky-high and achieve.
From the black smoke covered dusty Ahmedabad, where the honking of the cars and the roar of the rickshaws create a rhythm of their own and where before Independence Day plastic flags are sold for Rs. 5 to show your patriotism. Where you can see the enthusiastic Gujju’s way after midnight that always love to eat out and have a good time. And when the monsoons come you can immediately smell the roasted corn on the cob as the vendors on the streets hover around selling.
To the millions of people who throng the streets of Mumbai where for a second you are in the middle of deafening traffic jam-backed up from one traffic light to the next four and then in another, you can walk on the cool sands of the beach where the ocean waves gently lap your feet and the winds run their fingers through your hair.
To the colorful dances and the sand dunes of Rajasthan where romance and mystique of the centuries entrance me into an incredulity as do the culinary enchantments of daal-baati churma. Raj Ghat in Delhi where I could still feel the serenity and strength of Gandhiji’s resilience.
And everywhere else I go: the spirit of my country spellbounds me everytime I turn around resonating from the Himalayas and whispering in the rivers that flow through India.
It reminds me of the valor of my people who gave a whole new definition to the potential that lies in a man’s soul. As I walk in the footsteps of my ancestors I proudly lift my head to say that I am proud to be an Indian- a country that has never bowed its head in shame.
And then, yeh bhi sab baut kam hai. Awaaz bhi ruk jaati hai. Lavz bhi adhoore lagte hai.

Every Step

2006-05-13T10:36:00.000-05:00

Every step that you take forward accelerates you towards you future in full force. Sometimes you lose your ground and plummet down. Sometimes you hold your stead and step forward again. Yet, that very step that you take forward constantly ascertains the next and the next.
But the indecisiveness and ambiguity of where that step could lead scares me.
Sometimes I feel like I step forward with a blindfold on because I never know where or what I am stepping into. I think I do, but in truth I don’t.
Sometimes I feel like I am wearing rose-tinted glasses where everything looks glossy ahead of me—like perfect picture in a perfect frame. And then I step into a landmine or quicksand and either everything blows up in my face or I get sucked in this yawning hole where everything goes dark.
Every foremost decision consequently that I seemed to have ever made was/is like a speculation-because however well planned and thought-of it was, it turned out to be something completely unlike what I conjured it to be.
I loved surprises ever since I was a little kid and I still tend to be thrilled about them. Little packages tied in bow-strings and letters in the mail. I always like to imagine what would be there inside as it is a mystery which enthuses me to tear the wrapping paper apart at even a faster rate.
But not in terms of my life. In some way I want to be in control, have a voice. Always. Sometimes the talks of fate & destiny annoy me because the only thing I can do in regards to them is wait and watch. I want to know, and know right now. The whole “have-patience-and-faith..things will- work- out” sequence seems to me like a state of refutation where a person does not want to acknowledge what is happening and instead deems the ‘unknown’. Because things don’t just ‘work’ themselves out unless you want them. You ‘work them out’. It is through the strength of your mind and heart that you can break free from the vortex that moulds it. Every step that you take forward and how you take it decisively chooses your paths ahead of you. You see it really all does depend on that one step—that changes all of the subsequent.

Song For The Moment: Best of All Possible Worlds-Norah Jones

Books & Me

2006-05-01T16:04:00.000-05:00

Have my finals in a week and haven't really started studying. I am procrastinator and a big one at that. Its ridiculous but I am still tackling last minute "pre-final" quizzes, an exam for Organic Chem and a practical for Human Anatomy.
I will be back though--very soon, but till then I recommend listening to these songs(they are some of which I listen to frequently):
1. Mehfuz-from Euphoria's latest album
2. Yeh Hai Meri Kahaani-Strings(from the movie Zinda)
3. Dekho Na-Fanaa
4. Aashayein-Iqbal
5. Aasma Ke Paar-Shankar Mahadevan(from the movie Rockford)
-(all the songs are available on musicindiaonline.com)

On a side note: my birthday's the day after tomorrow--so wish me a Happy Birthday. I turn 20. I especially miss some of my close friends and my parents-wish they could have been here.

Flashes In Time

2006-04-11T14:54:00.001-05:00

-White marble parapet. A wizened old lady. A little girl with long silky black hair.

-White sheets. A silver moon. Millions of twinkling stars. A gentle breeze. Memorable giggles and laughter.

-A seashore. The sunset. Glittering golden waters. Footprints in the sand.

-Green mangoes. Parrots. The smell of Summer. The respite of the Monsoon and the frolic in the rain. Shoots and blossom of life.

-Feel of silk. A soft touch of a hand. A comfort like no other.

-A creased brow. Grey eyes. Boundless knowledge.

-Hurried packing of bags. Tearful farewells. The Sun rising over the grey clouds. An orange golden sky. A streak of blue and green thousands of miles beneath.

-Brown eyes. Hope.

Song For The Moment: Aashayein(Slow Version)-IQBAL

Khaali Jhoola

2006-03-26T13:36:00.000-06:00

The morning newspaper lay beneath the drying juhi creeper. The burnt out diya from the previous evening near the tulsi plant hadn’t been picked up. The sparrows hovered on the garden lawn chirruping but nobody had left them their seed. The running water from the sprinkler in the lawn created a puddle of brown mud. Nobody had turned it off. The milkman came and went. Nobody stood there waiting. Many fragrant juhi, haar-shingaar and mogra withered away as nobody had picked them up to offer to the Lord.
The to and fro of the swing had hushed. The tiny ghungroo that always tinkled whenever the swing moved hung there in silence. The sun’s rays slanted over the windowsill but the kalash holding the holy water sat there in the dimness and the worn out pages of the prayer book waited.
The swing is empty today and its silhouette is still. The life around is as if in shock: stagnant, quiet. Everything seems to have ceased.
The sound of footsteps across the floor with the deserted tap of his cane still reverberates in my ears. The gentle murmur of a prayer envelope me as I close my eyes.
But all I see now: is an empty swing.
* Khaali jhoola: the empty swing.
*Diya: earthern lamp.
*Tulsi: a basil plant of holy significance in Hinduism
*Juhi, haar-shingaar, mogra: kind of flowers
*Ghungroo: bells
* Kalash: copper jug

Unknown, Unseen

2006-03-18T10:49:00.000-06:00

(As a tribute to those women)
A blue broken wooden door. Paint peeled off like the rain-drops that clung to the tiles of the roof and then slowly dropped down into the drain. Outside the rain fell in torrents making small puddles in front of the door. Inside a small rusty iron cot with a tattered mattress and a torn sheet lay in the stillness. A clothesline that stretched across a small wall where the clothes hung--a faded red and yellow. A few pots and a burnt out fire rested.
She was the village belle once but that seemed like it was centuries ago. She vaguely remembered the huge bonfires where she and her friends had danced in the night to the beat of the dhol (drum). But her once-known-happiness had changed to a burning desire to go far away and have a better life. So one night, she tied a small bundle of her clothes amid hushed goodbyes and left. The moon guided her path as she walked towards the city.
At first, the vibrant tall buildings with the thousands of men, women and children that thronged its roads had excited her. She walked past numerous stores where beautiful dresses in flamboyant colors were in display along with dazzling jewelry. She wandered around the city all day and at night slept on one of the benches off the street. The warm breezes alongwith the smell of dung and the sewer forced her off to sleep.
The very next day she found a job at a construction site as a brick & cement loader. She toiled hour after hour, day after day, for a measly 200 rupees a month. She rented a crammed one room and bought a few pots. Months went by and her life became as monotonous as the hourly roar of the trains that went past her small shanty. She stayed up many nights coughing as the cement had lined her lungs. She felt weak, disabled.
And then the blow fell. Her supervisor at the site called her once and said “dekh ladki, dhang se kaam nahi karr sakti toh chali jaa yaha se! dheela kaam nahi chalega!”(Look girl, if you cannot work properly then get out of here! Slowness and laziness is not permissible!). He handed her 200 rupees and walked away. She stood there with tears in her eyes.
She had met a young man though: Shyam, handsome and boyish who worked in the ration shop that was opposite to the site where she had worked. He brought her flowers that he stole from the park 2 blocks down and told her amusing anecdotes about his life in the city. She slowly and steadily, fell in love with him and one night: conceived a baby with him. She wanted the three of them to be family but he felt differently and asked her to get it aborted. She was shocked by his opinion that refused to bend despite numerous tearful appeals. And then she wordlessly watched him walk out of her life as she told him that she had decided to keep her child. Grief and anger ravaged through her as she bore the baby 9 months later. It was a boy who was doted on by his mother but who silently enraged her everytime she looked into his eyes and saw his father in them. Despite numerous attempts, she lost job after job, as she was not as ‘dedicated’ as they wanted her to be. Her son grew into a fine young lad who day after day looked more & more like Shyam.
And then one day she met a man who told her he could give her a job in a ‘Men’s’ House’ with a pay of 600 rupees per month! She felt a happiness she hadn’t felt in a long time as she could not only pay her rent now but also feed her son and perhaps, even send him to school!
And this is when she, the belle of the village: turn into something she had never comprehended: she felt sordid, dirty and worthless as a person. She earned more and more customers, as they loved her for her beautiful black eyes and slender figure. But she was tainted with an image that made her shield herself from the eyes of the people she walked past on the street lest somebody recognize who she was. It was an image that reflected an hideousness to her when she looked into a mirror. She felt like the stain of rust on her old sari that could never be wiped out. She was trapped in a vortex where there was no going back. Voiceless cries and her 10 year old son became her only sustenance through the humiliation as tears rolled down her cheeks everytime. What could she do? She had the made the choices then,she had to live with them now.

And thus gradually like the paint that peeled off her door and the rain drop that fell down the drain: this was how she lived and this was how she died.

2006-03-10T12:50:00.000-06:00

David O McKay said: "Your thoughts are the architects of your destiny" & that is how it has been with me. I've been introspective lately & realized that I'm truly not happy with a lot of things.
I have just been trying to run the race of time and put my life into perspective. That's the reason for no new posts.
But I will do so soon, so keep visiting.

The Moonlit Terrace

2006-02-05T11:53:00.000-06:00

Grey tiles that heat up in the 120o F summer turn into burning coals under your bare feet. You can see the Sun peeping from behind those tall buildings in the horizon and the evening haze settles while the sky turns into a canvas of hues of orange and purple. Hundreds of birds coo their goodnights’ as they fly off towards their homes. And slowly, the thousands of stars start to wink at you as the Sun nods off to sleep and the sky turns a strong shade of dark blue-black. The crickets chirrup in the background as you spread the mattresses on those by-now-cool grey tiles and throw on fresh white sheets. I loved those summer nights where you lay flat on your back and stared at those millions of blinking stars and talked about life, death and friendships past. You discussed the complexities of things and the simplicity of some.
A fresh gentle breeze caressed my face as I sat then on the whitewashed parapet of my terrace abandoning everything but this beauty and serenity of the evening. Hanging my feet down, there I sat and watched the Moon come up and envelope everything in its silver expanse. Huge poplar trees hung their branches low as if to say ‘I have had a long day. Goodnight!” and swung to and fro dozing off to sleep.
The wind rustled through the neem tree that stood strong and calm. I looked upon it with great fondness as it was almost like it was a childhood companion. It had been perpetually there since I was born: sturdy as ever.
The white-washed parapets of my terrace looked like somebody had spread white linen sheets over them as they gleamed in the moonlight. And I just sat on: starring at the infinite space that surrounded me, comforted me. Occasionally a night owl hooted out from the dark withins of the tree as it settled down to keep watch.
There was tranquility in that moment. It was one of those points in my life that nothing had changed: where my past and present came together even though being away from home and from your family and friends changes things: it changes you. I somehow felt the transparency; the innocence of my years in India come back to me as I gazed on at the Moon as it silently rose above my head and smiled back at me.
As I stood up to leave; those silent, ancient grey tiles that generally looked so rough and dull at the first glance suddenly felt like silk under my feet and their strength felt secure. It felt like home again. It was home.

Silence...

2006-01-15T11:54:00.000-06:00

A lone leaf on a grey pavement. Rain with snow. Grey skies that get grimier as each second goes by. The wind interweaving my hair as if wanting to create a style surpassing any created before. & I reflect at that moment.
Jab dil main ek akelapann mehsoos hota hai aur khamoshi chaa jaati hai tab ek ajeeb sa darr lagne lagta hai. I feel apprehensive about my future, my ambitions, my life. I doubt what I am doing, who I am & what I do.
Calming my nerves with a cup of coffee, listening to music or talking to a friend has been a transient reprieve but things haven’t gotten any better. Vo baas ek khwab hai jo main humesha dekhti rehti hu. Friends tell me things will be okay and will sort themselves out but they don’t and haven’t. Never have been. I fight back so hard to try and make everything seem tolerable: just so that the people I love so much can live one more day without a feeling of worry and concern. I don’t want to cause anybody pain, especially not them. Main bas unke liye khushi chahti hu. Unke chehre pe sirf ek hasi chahti hu.
But then I want to go places in life. Be something. Par zindagi itni khamosh aur sehmi si ho gayi hai ki sirf dhuaa reh gaya hai. Na mujhe koi sawaal aate hai, na koi jawaab milte hai.
--I don’t even know where to draw the line. On one side, I am the ambitious, driven girl who wants to rise above universal “I-do-not-want-to-care” attitude and be a humanitarian doctor and on the other I struggle to hold on to the happiness of the people I love and not cause them hurt. The daily conflicts that I go through are not painless and neither are they easy. I make compromises every minute, everyday.
~I never found the same lone leaf on the grey pavement, or the rain with snow again.
Zindagi meri kismat mein jaane kya le ke aane wali hai, na mein jaana chahti hu, na usse khojna chahti hu.

Song for the moment: Tu Kaun Hai by Lucky Ali

A Year

2005-12-31T12:00:00.000-06:00

~Zindagi ke kai rang badalte hai, kuch sawar jaate hai aur kuch bikhar jaate hai.
Translation: The colors of life keep changing. Some stay on and some diffuse.

It has been quite a year. We made choices that we regretted and some that we applauded. Some moments passed that we laughed like there was no tomorrow and some, where we felt like we are that lone leaf fluttering in the wind on a bare tree: clinging for life. Sometimes we gave people a reason for a better tomorrow and sometimes our words or actions cut through their hearts like a sharp knife.
But if you look at life as a whole, it is still what it was. The sun still rises from the east and sets in the west and seasons change. Oceans surge on. Existence fails to cease and the world keeps turning.

..:.. I look at my life from the roads I walk today, and feel it changing. I cannot always find reasons for the things that happen but I yet learn from them. And look forward to plentiful of smiles,laughter,joy,decisions and choices, fork-roads and destinations,friendships and love in the year 2006.

~Memoirs~

2005-12-21T09:48:00.000-06:00

A gentle, cool breeze creeped in through the open glass windows and played with my hair. I lounged in an easy chair flipping through a book while the FM radio played in the background. It was a perfect summer morning and I could smell the raw mangoes on the tree that stood across the street from my room. Soft fluffy clouds floated in the sky as the sun climbed. Ahmedabad June 2005. Soon the temperatures would soar to a 120oF where even the air is parched and blows around as if in search to dampen itself. But now everything was peaceful and cool and even the wind was happy blowing around playing with my hair.
::. That moment was my seventh heaven: I was blissfully content, without a care in the world. My mind wandered around as the wind played with the pages of my book: ruffling them here and there. I thought back to my past: my friends, my school life, the laughter,secrets whispered, old crushes, ice creams and chocolates, cranking up the speakers and dancing to the tune when O-Humdum Soniyo Re came on. --It was as though I was standing in the future with my past around me-creating a play that seemed real, touchable, and so re-enterable. I wanted to go back in there so desperately. I so wanted to relive those times again. But I couldn’t. As everything had changed. Friends were gone, school-life existed no more, and O-Humdum Soniyo Re rarely came back on. And worst of all: there was nobody to dance with.
That day in my easy chair, I reflected of all these things and missed them. Granted, I knew nothing would be the same anymore when I came back home after being away for 2 years but somehow, I wanted it to be that way. I wanted to go back to that existence which was so untroubled and where I ruled and life in general was so unperturbed.
Just as the geese fly south in winter,
I've somewhere to go or some goal that needs to be reached.
I guess I'll never be as carefree again,
Just as it was when I was a kid.

Love, Etc.

2005-12-19T09:46:00.000-06:00

Love knows no boundaries, no time-lines. I know it sounds so cliché, but it is real. Just look around you, and you will know. We love. Everywhere, everytime. We love without hesitation, without any anticipation of reciprocation but then: when the relationship goes to the dumps, we switch off our emotions and feelings and simply fail to show even the slightest amount of concern and liking. Do we honestly lose the sanctity; the integrity of our hearts?
I don’t quite seem to grasp it when there is a situation like this. And the weird part is that it happens to all of us. A person who at this minute is pouring his/her heart out and is completely in love, and then the next time you look around, he/she has called the relationship off and is calling their “most-cherished-one” names and evidently: has fallen “out of love” with him/her. So where do all those sweet nothings, dinner beneath the stars, walk in the snow, flowers, mushy-mushy sweetheart/honey endearings go? Down the drain?
I believe you can’t fall in and out of love. If you really do, then you didn’t love at all. But you simply cannot break the cycle. How is it that you can just completely close those doors and claim that you do not care? You snap your fingers and voila! Love’s here! And snap again: love’s gone!
--I do nonetheless believe that love evolves over a period of time. I don’t believe in the concept of love at first sight. You love a person not because they look like the Greek god Adonis and are the embodiment of beauty. You love them because of who they are and what they mean to you. You know the person, respect what he/she is, and you admire them. You appreciate and value them. So, therefore I cannot reason on the of "love-at-first-sight" idea: how can you love someone when you don’t know him/her at all? You simply look and then and decide, “He/she’s the one!?” Is it only physical attraction or is there really something more?
As a whole, I wonder: Do we really stop caring or is it in human nature to simply try and eliminate things that cause us pain? Can we live with it or simply cannot live without it?
::..In the end then, let me conclude by saying that love is universal.When I say the word love, it is not restricted to just one feeling that exists between a man and a woman. It is inside every form of object. Love always exists between every one you mingle with. However, it is also the most commonly misinterpreted and distorted word as well. We share relationships in this world--that we cannot always break up. Our family, siblings, close friends. They are a crucial,essential part of our lives that we can never eliminate and break the bond with. We do not always exchange pleasantries with our family & friends and we go through some good & some tough,trying times with them as well: same as we would if it were a relation between a man/woman.
::..So, do we truly lack the patience with relationships when it is with somebody we know we can easily cut the string that ties us to them? Is it easier for us to be heartless with some and not-so-easy with others?

Song for the moment: Jo Mere by Noori

SE7EN

2005-11-26T13:34:00.000-06:00

NOTE: I have disabled anonymous commenting on my blog as I have been receiving a lot of nonsensical comments.
~~If you wish to post comments on any of my posts, you will have to be a Blogspot registered member.
~Answering a round of quick questions!
::.. Se7en-the Tag, courtesy DEVESH. Thanks!

Seven things I plan to do:
Work(big time!) on my short temper
Study harder
Write some poetry
Visit my family
Do some volunteer/charity work
Take my MCATs
Start doing Yoga and meditation again

Seven things I can do:
Be nice
Be very tolerant (at times..)
Cook well
Be cheery
Remaining dedicated to my goals
Sleep!
Be a bookworm

Seven things I can't do:
Be insensitive
Fart/burp loudly in public
Get obnoxiously drunk ( yet love seeing people when they are that way!)
Looking at the positive things in life--despite having so much.
Like Physics
being a hypocrite/fake --just to impress somebody
wear stilettos

Seven things I say most often:
Ummmm..
Oh my god!
Crap!
Okayyyy...
What's goin' on?
Huh?
Aiiee!(when I'm hurt!)
Seven people I want to tag:
Debraj
Minnie
Indrajit
BD
Vikram
Nirja
Shrikesh

..::.So Here..::..

2005-11-19T03:00:00.000-06:00

--I'm back!
"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy" -Dale Carnegie
But that is not I am going to write about. Just thought it was a interesting and cool quote.
~~My cuppa heaven-Coffee. So what about it?
I'm hopelessly addicted. I refer to the euphoric time period after my first cup in the morning as B.C. (Blissfully Caffeinated). It is when the cobwebs in my head clear and the feeling of cheer returns to my normally happy and optimistic persona. I sip just one cup every morning to get the "whoosh" back in me!
It was so cold yesterday. And I woke up to a dismal feeling. No coffee in the house! I drink 2 cups a day at the maximum, and that is considered the optimum intake.(Yes, the Surgeon General did say coffee is good for you if taken in moderate amounts!) Okay, so sometimes I go to 3, but that's it!
Addiction is something, isn't it? I don’t just mean addiction to materialistic things we generally associate addiction with like drugs or alcohol, or as a matter of fact, even my cuppa heaven: coffee! Oh and maybe, chocolates too!
We may be addicted to material things, but metaphorically speaking; we are “addicted” to repeated occurrences of our lives or even to the day-to-day things we do! I used to be so used to coming to a home where I was greeted with a smile and kiss back in India and now, I still get after-shocks while walking into an empty apartment.
We are so used to certain things, that we take it for granted. So then, when those cease to exist or maybe are not around us anymore, we get frustrated and irritated! It works in a similar way on both sides of the equation, because for example if a drug addict is off drugs for a day, he gets jittery, nervous, angry and his entire behavior changes! Don't some of you get a tad bit angry when you have to walk or ride the bus or take the local trains when your car breaks down. We get "addicted" to substantial things like these, and therefore, when we don't have access to them..may it be only for a day...voila! our blood pressure shoots sky high!
~ I experienced severe withdrawal symptoms when I ran out of coffee earlier! And I am only a moderate coffee drinker.
I moved to the U.S. 2 and a ½ years back after living all my baby,childhood and teen years in India, and however much I like to believe I have adjusted to the lifestyle here I still tend to experience the alleged “withdrawal” symptoms of being so far away from home-literally thousand’s of miles away-around the globe. Sometimes, I still do feel alienated and "sticking-out-like-a-sore-thumb" kind at times. I still have these minor adjustments to make: conscious or unconsciously! Financial, emotional, mental,academic! Why? Because I was so used to being taken care of and life was easy! We are so dependent on most things that we use and have around us everyday, that we addict ourselves to them.
We constantly fight addictions in our lives: with our negative circumstances when the positive do not come along often, with ourselves, with family,friends, and oh heck! with even cars, trains, buses, electronics--everything!
~~Okay so maybe, I'll go get another cup of coffee for myself.
Song for the moment: Kahaani Mohobbat Ki by Strings
Disclaimer: Took the above picture from Minnie's blog.

~ Religion, God & Me ~

2005-09-13T16:42:00.000-05:00

I have never been big on religion. By that I don’t mean that I’m an agnostic, and have no faith in God. Yes, I believe He exists, and is a vital force, which is irrefutable. A guiding light, a gut instinct. Yes, and like everyone else, I pray to Him. Believe in him.
But not obsessively. I am a logical and rational person by nature. Not that I question the existence of God, it is simply that I am just the kind of person who does not believe in eating everything in the plate set in front of me, but rather, I pick and choose.Religion to me is a practical implementation of righteous virtues and of goodness and compassion.
Religion is about you, and the choices you make. Nobody's right and nobody's wrong. You cannot possibly go to a holy shrine 3 times a year, visit your temple, mosque or church regularly and claim that you are a good individual, just because you “appease” to God. You have to practice good faith in life, in everything you do. Everyday. And I believe that lies in acts of humanity. Not charity, mind you, but a genuine desire to help and make a difference. Helping a blind person cross the street. Giving a starving child a hot meal. Lending a helping hand to a person who maybe has never witnessed an act of kindness. Whatever it may be, the true blessings you collect are through this. The Buddha said: "Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds"

Religion to me is a way of life. It does not dominate,but does not recess in the background either. Is an integral part of your life, but not life itself.It also means having tolerance against other religions. Being disparaging about the religion other than yours, when you actually do not know them completely is equally as unintelligent as probably seeing a pigeon and calling it a rabbit. No religion I believe is greater than the other, and they all lead to whom we address as God.
There are lots of concepts and ideologies in religion that are questionable to me. I do not blindly follow a certain path, but rather--open my eyes and see where and how I am going. I may not always be right in the choices I make, but I indubitably better myself as a person through that. Maybe that’s how I am who I am today.You cannot cry about how tedious life has become and how excruciatingly hard it is and you wish things would be like this and that. You have it in you to make each day well-lived, makes yesterday a dream of happiness and each tomorrow a vision of hope to make a difference in life--may it be yours or someone else's.

An Eye-Opener

2005-08-20T18:26:00.000-05:00

It was a hot summer afternoon in Mumbai and a young woman in blue jeans and a white T-shirt stepped out from the cool air-conditioned air of the huge store onto the hot, dry pavement. There wasn't a cab in sight and she did not want to take the local train or a bus. She did not know Mumbai that well but had made a daring stunt and decided to explore part of the city alone.
So anyways, there she was--desperately looking around for cab but to her misfortune, there were none and so she grudgingly started to walk down the dusty pavement. 'Oh well!' she thought..'i'll just walk instead!'
Off she went, passing store after store--sometimes pausing momentarily to see a variety of items displayed inside the sparkling glass windows. Above her, the Sun beat down mercilessly on the city. But 'wow!'-she mused--how Mumbai has grown! How India has grown!'. And she felt so proud. India was growing to be the world's largest economy. So much progress!
The doormen at those stores opened the doors in friendly curtesy but she smiled and waved them off saying she was just looking.
She walked on ahead and promised herself a iced lemonade as soon as she got home. And she smiled with pure pleasure at the thought of it. That is when she spied him--squatting on his haunches with two brushes and a rag in his hand-poised like and eagle..ready to swoop on his prospective customer! A huge grin instantly lit up his face as he saw her..and said "madame, aapke joote polish karr du?(madame,may I polish your shoes?)" And luckily,she wore brown boots so that her feet would remain safe from the dust and grime of the city. She looked at the little kid--probably only 7-8 years old..and she smilingly agreed and told him not to use the yucky wax polish. She'd like just like him to clean the boots. He deftly took his two brushes and worked swiftly back and forth and carefully cleaned her boots till then almost sparkled in their new clean look!
"Paach rupai(5 rupees)" he said. She started giving it to him and just out of curiosity asked him how much he earned per day. He said "yahi kahi tees-chaalis rupai"( somewhere around 30-40 rupees). She bemusingly asked him "guzara nikal jaata hai?"(do you manage with that?). He softly shook his head and said.."sab toh pitaji ko de deta hu..pata nahi..woh phir sharaab peene main daalte hai usse(he uses it all for drinking)" She was shocked. He further told her he had 5 other siblings who all either did odd jobs or begged on the streets to support the family. And his mother? She was a maid in the house of the "sahaabs"( people of high stature)--they didn't pay much either.His bleary eyes,tear streaked face with tossled hair and skeleton like frame told his plight only too well..he and his family practically starved on most nights..they had nothing to eat. Their father took away all the money that came into the house and wasted it away..either in sharaab (drinking) or jugaar(gambling).

He sniffed softly and cleaned his nose with the back of his hand and then extended it to take the 5 rupees she held out to him and carefully put into his trouser pocket. He told her to come soon..the next time--he'd polish her shoes for free. She gently took his hand in her's..and handed him a 50 rupee note. "apni Maa ko dena...khaana ya kuch laane ke liye chalega"(give it to your mother--maybe she can buy some food with it). He started to refuse..but finally gave in and carefully placed it in his shirt pocket. "Thank-you madame..aap jaise log aaise baut kam milte hai(people like you don't do this too often).." His big, brown eyes had such a grateful look.
~She smiled and waved goodbye.

--Tears had welled into her eyes as she left...and she couldn't help it. Such poverty, such helplessness. Now it seemed India was moving forward AND backward. The rich got richer, the poor got only poorer.
That young woman was me. And this was what I saw and felt when I went back to India after 2 whole years in the United States.

Monsoon..Et al..

2005-07-01T22:38:00.000-05:00

I leant on the slightly rusted iron wrought railing of my balcony, as the first dark clouds rolled in—like a good omen to the city that was scorched by the intense summer Sun for months. They were, without any doubt, the first heralded clouds of monsoon.

The birds twittered gently amongst themselves in the trees around me in excitement-as if they could foresee their future for that period of time, and it boomed only of their enormous relief from the heat, to the cooling showers of the very first rains of the monsoon.
But they soon fell silent, as the clouds grumbled and moaned into place, and their cool shade fell on everything- as the clouds slowly and surely, moved across the Sun. And then there was that eerie, pin drop silence that always prevails before the very first drops of rain hit the parched earth.
I have always been fascinated by the very unique scent of the earth when the first drops of rain hit it, because that kind of smell is something that sets India as a country, apart from the rest of the world. For me that smell is belongingness, a feeling of being possessed-completely.
Standing there in my balcony that day, by some unknown premonition, I extended my hand just as the very first raindrops fell. And a raindrop touched my finger, then another, and then, my hand was completely drenched, as it poured. Walking along the roads which turned into a sea of puddles,that everything had sprung to life,after years of death. Within a matter of minutes, the drab, dry and dull landscape around me went through such a metamorphosis and turned lush green. Everything was so fertile, so breathtakingly beautiful.

Something about this day stayed with me,and it reminded me very much of the childhood days I spent, making paper boats and sailing them in the water logged streets.This was,I thought,the magic of India,and its rains.

Cells, Cities & Evolution

2005-05-23T09:35:00.000-05:00

Are a very interesting simile.
Think of a city as a colony of cells. Each individual cell is like a individual human being,with its own wants, needs and surprisingly, its struggle for survival amongst the vast other majority of its kind. Each and every cell survives on its own, but in its way-is very dependent on the ones around it for its mere existence.
Individually these cells live for a while,but are programmed to die. But like us homo sapiens, they replace themselves with their progeny and they continue their existence.
Each organism grows,changes and reacts, adapting itself to the biological conditions in its world.

------
Charles Darwin was among the first to observe evolution.
Evolution results from vast amount of change, and that change is death. I do not mean it in a pessimistic way, but it is very true.Without the numerous repetitions of death, the arms of a star-fish would not have evolved, which makes it uniquely different from organisms of its own kind. It took 13.7(+ or - one) billion years to evolve the universe to the level of complexity of what it is today. No physicist or biologist could agree with me better. It took 4 billion years to create the human mind~ one third the age of the universe.
Darwin explains in his theories, that without vast amounts of death, life would have been nothing more than the simple self-copying molecules. Even the Amoeba, which is like a glob-unicellular(single celled)-with no definite shape or structure, wouldn't have come forth without evolution. And the human evolution would not have taken place.

Am thinking..

2005-05-18T18:06:00.000-05:00

...Sometimes, why I don't get the results when I put in terrible, backbreaking amounts of effort. I mean, you slog, you persevere, and you do everything sanely possible to make everything right, but it just doesn't!
I've heard the saying "if you work hard enough, you achieve your dreams". But no matter how hard I try, it never works. or maybe, "mera bad luck hi kharaab hai.."(literally translated: maybe my bad luck's bad) .Suggestions/Opinions welcome!
--Miss my parents a lot. Wish I could be with them at this very moment. Its been 2 years since I have seen either one of them. Just need them to put their arms around me and tell me everything will be okay. Oh gosh! this IS a bad feeling!

--On a side note, the movies I've recently watched are:

1) Hum-Tum
l-o-v-e this movie, amazing pairing of Saif Ali & Rani Mukerji. It has a great storyline and amazing performances by all!

2) Bridget Jones Diary-Edge of Reason
its hilarious! Renee Zelleweger is as cute as ever! so is Hugh Grant & Colin Firth.
3)BLACK
Again, Rani Mukerji as the lead actress and Amitabh Bachchan. A simply amazing movie!
4) Lagaan
Have seen it before, but I love the movie. The simplicity of it is mindblowing.
I'm really curious though. Is the story portrayed in the movie based on a true one?
5)Monsoon Wedding
it reminds me of India so much!

P.S. Please feel free to suggest any other good English & Hindi movies. I'm not much into action, but any other kind will do.

On my player these days:
1)Sarki Chunariya Re: Movie: RUN
2) Dholna-Shubha Mudgal(Album:Pyar Ke Geet)
3)Maa Tujhe Salaam(Album:Vande Maratam-A.R. Rehman)
4)Dil Se Re: Movie: DIL SE
5) Sun Zara-Adnan Sami: Movie: LUCKY-NO TIME FOR LOVE

I am…and some more..

2005-05-09T17:54:00.000-05:00

I officially entered adulthood yesterday. 3rd May 2005. I finished 19 and started 20. It feels weird, and people constantly kept asking me how I felt to “officially” be an adult. Now that I am on the ‘other’ side, I really don’t know. I mean, how does it change anything? I still feel like I’m in the same body, biologically speaking: with the same hormones, and same thinking capacities. I didn’t become smart overnight nor did I suddenly grow mature. Infact, I think nothing changes. Your age merely goes from a 1-somenumber to a 2-somenumber!

I have always been the baby of the family before my niece, Nirja (meaning ‘Lotus’) and my nephew Arjun (name of a mythological character from the epic ‘Mahabharata’) came along. I’m the proud aunt of 2 of the world’s cutest kids. My niece is 13(about to be 14 this August!) and nephew 2 years and 2 months! I absolutely adore both of them and they are the “apples of my eyes”. Arjun just got his hair shaved off (it is a ritual called the 'mundan' in India), and my sister in law keeps telling me how insanely funny and scary he thinks it is!
Nirja is super talented! She did ballet, played soccer, can play over 20-30 different raagas’ on her violin, and is still training to master the art of playing Hindustani classical on her violin. And she is at the top of her class, and dreams of being a pediatrician and going to Oxford someday. She is a very mature individual, and has amazingly clear-cut goals. She’s just a great kid.

Anyhow, as I always tend to say: “I’m pretty much nothing all by myself, I’m just a well balanced mixture of the world and the people I met in it”
I learnt to be coolheaded but still express my emotions/frustrations from Husnen & my dearest ‘MCB bud’ and study partner, Yasmin. These two people are so like my own reflections, only that they’re polished versions! Also,they're 2 of my best friends.

I learnt to be super mature but still have a little bit of a kid left in me from Vikram. Also, to take life as it comes. Not worry too much about things, especially my future and spoil my present.

I learnt from Parag, who is like my elder brother, to be like a duck- calm and unruffled on the surface, but paddling vigorously beneath. And also, how to cook awesome ‘gobi ki sabzee’ I absolutely love him.

I learnt from Maheen, my dearest goofball, to learn to laugh at myself and be cheery, no matter how bad things get. And from my sis Zainab, to be sincerely dedicated to what I want to do, but still have time to do things for myself, and be myself.

Lastly, I’ve learnt from all of life’s big and small experiences, that no matter how bad it looks, it will get better. I say this because it has. I have gone through horribly depressing phases where I see no end to things but then life takes a drastic turn and everything is okay.
“I asked God to spare me the pain
God said, no.
‘Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares
And brings you closer to me’
I asked God for all things so that I may enjoy Life
God said no.
‘I will give you a life
So that you can enjoy all things’

Song for the moment: Nachley-from the movie 'Lakeer' and 'Jalwa' sung by Daler Mehendi.

A must listen these days: The soundtrack of Paheli

P.S. Could somebody find me the meaning of Mangalayam?

Definitions

2005-04-22T18:07:00.000-05:00

I know I didn't want to write(and was too busy to write) till I got back from India, but Vikram's latest post really inspired me to write this post. I really needed to.
----------------------------------------------
What "Success" Is To Me.
----------------------------------------------

1)To have the ways, means, time and guts to choose and follow my own path.
2)To dissolve the line between who I am and what I "do."
3)To make decisions based not on fear, guilt, money or politics but rather what truly feels right.
4)To have much love, passion and fun in my life.
5)To be healthy in body, mind and spirit.
6)To have enthusiasm when I wake up, and peace of mind when I go to bed.
7)To use my unique gifts in a way that makes a positive difference in many peoples' lives.
8)To inspire and motivate others.
9)To be able to make people laugh -- including myself.
10)To know that I'm on the right path and not alone in my journey.
11)To live with the understanding that "getting there" isn't half the fun, it's most of it.
12)To make the most with what I've been given.
13)To take advantage of every opportunity and face every fear.
14)To live having true friends and die having no regrets.
15)To be able to experience death not as a "grim reaper", but rather as a welcomed sleep after a good, long day.

A Recognition of Unity
I recognize a vital unity
linking me with all humanity
and humanity with all life
acknowledging that where none prevails over another
each may prosper
and all may continue.

Something..

2005-04-05T20:52:00.000-05:00

I'm scared. Insecure. Uncertain.
I don't know if what I'm doing is the absolute right thing for me to do. I don't even know if the goals I've always dreamt of acheiving are even achievable anymore! Yieekks!
I've been very disappointed and discouraged lately. Just don't seem to believe in myself anymore. Actually,there are a whole swarm of things in my head--sometimes I think this way,sometimes that! I'm very negative one minute,bouncy and positive the other!
Maybe I expect too much from life. Maybe I'm a slight bit crazy!

By the way,a quick update: I'm trying and applying for transfer to the junior year at Harvard University for my the remaining two years of my undergraduate,and then hopefully continuing in the Harvard School Of Medicine. They do offer a B.S. & a M.D. degree combined. That would mean I'd complete my entire school work(including Medical School) in 6 years instead of 8! Please wish me good luck!
An update:(04/12/05) That didn't happen--may be I'll just apply there for Med school!

I will not be updating my blog for a while. I leave for India in the end of May and will be back in August. My finals are in a month's time.
Current song: Kabhi-by Josh
Thought For The Day:Yesterday is but a dream, and tomorrow is only a vision, but today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope.

Please do keep in touch,and let me know how you guys are doing!

E-mail: surabhizemail@gmail.com , thedevil_00@hotmail.com , surabhibhatt@yahoo.com

Me & Me..

2005-03-23T10:47:00.000-06:00

I got inspired by Anita,Anupma & Minnie,and thought it was rightfully right for people out there to actually know the person behind this blog. So here goes!

I do:
Listen to all kinds of music(except hip-hop and rap)
tend to procrastinate-though it rarely happens!
tend to jump to conclusions before knowing the whole story!--arrite guys,will work on it!
-but hey,don't always do that! *wink*
tend to be very stubborn!(am a true Taurean)--but I can still bend or even change my thoughts/beliefs if convinced that what you're saying is true!
dress very casually-as long as I look good,that is! Jeans & a tee-shirt is the way for me!
tend to be very passionate about things I do!
------------------------------------------
I don't:
Fart!-god! its even more disgusting when people do it in public!
also-burp loudly after a meal-I think it is disgusting as well!
Talk about people behind their backs
Like Kareena Kapoor
give up easily--though I do sound severely depressed at times!

-------------------------------------------
My Favorite Foods:
Ice-cream!-who doesn't like that !?
Chocolates-but can't eat more than 2 pieces a day-they get too sweet for me!
All Indian foods-gosh! I am a pakki desi!
Fresh veggie sandwiches-not only are they healthy,but they taste gooodd!
--------------------------------------------------

My Favorite Kinds of Clothes:
J-E-A-N-S--they're definitely very,very comfy,right?
Khaki pants-they're kool too!
Cotton T-shirts
Capris in summer!
Denim Jackets-they're hip!
---------------------------------------------------

People I look up to/People who inspire me:
My parents-they have done so well for themselves despite facing many turbulent times!

Mother Teresa-In fighting for the dignity of the destitute in a foreign land, she gave the world a moral example that bridged divides of culture, class and religion(quote:Time Magazine)

People in war-torn/disaster ravaged countries-
People who despite facing odds have found happiness in smaller things. They haven’t looked back on their lives unhappily thinking, “oh! I didn’t make enough money!” or “I didn’t achieve this and that!”But at the end of it all, today, it is not the suffering that they remember, but the dreams that they have that are guiding them towards a brighter and more successful future. Even though these people seem to have gone through the toughest of times, at the slightest sight of a ray of hope, they look up and smile, because as always, tomorrow is a new day to them.

Cancer/AIDS/Leprosy patients-
They go through tremendous pain,suffering-but they still hope for a day that will cure them of their ailment and let them live again. I admire their courage,their faith in life. They are social outcasts,with nobody to turn to. They still live--in hope..

----------------------------------------------

What I want to do 10 to 12 years from now:
Be a doctor--and make a difference. I dream of serving in places where the people will need me more than anywhere else. Disease plagued,war ravaged countries in Africa, villages in India,Cambodia,Chechnya..

A Riot Of Colors..& Thoughts..

2005-03-15T19:13:00.000-06:00

March 06th was Holi & January 14th was Uttarayan. Couldn't believe the days & months whizzed past without me even acknowledging it. The pattern of my days have become monotonous. Wish I could stop just for a moment...just stop. I've missed out on so much.
The things which I miss from my life the most are:

1)Mom & Dad--physically close to me.I really miss them.Back in India, I could always bury my head and find comfort in my Mom's lap. I knew I could always talk to my Dad about anything under the Sun and have a good laugh!

2)Waking up every morning to feel the morning sun on your face & actually be happy to face another day--without having to drag yourself out of bed every morning.

3)Complete satisfaction with everything I did-or didn't do. Now, it just seems like the more I do-the more I seem to want. I'm obssessed with materialistic wants. Maybe its human nature.

4)The late night talks with my best friends--huddled up,eating ice-creams on hot summer nights,just watching the stars,the moon. I never recall talking anything of the least bit importance, but they always brought back a smile to my face, and a cheer to my heart.

5)Husnain--my very best friend,without whom,I'd probably have been dead or atleast,psychotic by now! He's far away,and we hardly call or e-mail eachother. Our lives--which were so conjoined,are worlds apart now. He's understood me much better than anybody on this planet. Who has always been there for me-no matter how much time or effort it took him to do so. He's been like a guiding light in my life, and has heard me out everytime I was happy,sad,frustrated,irritated,anything! And also--given me the soundest of advices!

6)Mom's home cooked food. I've pretty much taught myself how to cook. I couldn't even make sabzee or daal when I was back in India. Now, I know everything. I know I'll never be able to cook as well as my Mom, grandmom and aunts can--but I miss the home/Mom-cooked meals.

7)Walking into a house everyday from work/school with somebody in it. Back home, I always had Dad or Mom in the house to welcome me with a smile and a hug when I got back every evening. Here it is empty & quiet. Pi(my pet cockatiel) blows me a kiss when I come back, but that's all.

8) Most of all, time to sit and contemplate life in general. One of those beautiful,lazy rainy days in India--where I could grab a cuppa tea and sit in the balcony and think. Let life stop.

Song for the day: Anjaani Raahon Main-Lucky Ali
Quote for the day:The willow knows what the storm does not: that the power to endure harm outlives the power to inflict it.
Current mood: Wanting to study..but can't..

couple of updates

2005-03-10T18:14:00.000-06:00

*This is my last semester at Parkland. After this, the AAS(Associates in Science) is all mine. But it feels weird--bitter sweet in so many ways.
I've connected so well with the people there,that I'll miss them. Terribly. They've laughed & cried with me, and have heard me out when I was blue. They made this amazing comfort zone for me, where I always knew I'd find someone who cared. I'll miss everybody,everything.

*Cultures Fair-Spring 2005 was yesterday. It was amazing, and we raised $900 for Doctors Without Borders-Tsunami Relief Fund. It felt like this was something that I'd been wanting to do for so long, and now it came true.

*Parag's been trying to call me forever from Spain, and I simply don't hear my cellphone ring when he calls. Or it is just that I'm in class or at work and I can't pick up my phone!
He's an amazing photographer, and one of the nicest people I've met. Very caring, very loving, and one of the most fun people to be around.
Check out his latest pictures he took in Salamanca,Spain. He's simply 'fantabulous'-- which is my word for fantastic & fabulous.
*Have been fighting on & off with Vikram. I've been one of the grumpiest people alive on planet Earth these days. He's been a absolute sweetie though, and I'm often surprised at how forgiving,understanding & cool-headed he is! He one of my closest friends here, and he's a great poet. Check out some of his works on his blog!

*I intend to go to India this summer. Haven't been there since I came here which was 2 years before now,and I miss home,Dad,Mom,friends,the rains, the midnight jaunts with Mahen Bhaiyya--eating kulfis, and so much more.
*****-------------------------------------*****

Songs/Soundtracks/Albums worth listening to these days:
1)Dream Girl-Abhijit Savant-Indian Idol
2)Phantom Of The Opera-Soundtrack
3)Realize-Karsh Kale(www.musicindiaonline.com)

My philosophy for the day:
Kindness is an inner desire that makes us want to do good things even if we do not get anything in return. It is the joy of our life to do them. When we do good things from this inner desire, there is kindness in everything we think, say, want and do
-Emmanuel Swedenborg

The 'Lil Sparrow..

2005-02-20T00:16:00.000-06:00

Amazing how these little things in life matter.
Sparrows are considered to be one of the plainest birds alive, and are not very acknowledged for. But I realized that they really can bring cheer into your life. They really can. They make me laugh and I can't help but adore them.
I opened the french doors of my apartment one early morning, expecting my usual visitors to greet me 'hello'. And yes,there they were. Chirping, twittering, and even fighting with eachother for the bird-seed I put out everyday for them,they all twittered their 'good-mornings' to me. One of them is a really cute fellow, and I like to call him "Max". He's this chubby little thing with little spindy legs and he loves to take people(by that I mean.. fellow sparrows) by surprise by swooping on them all of a sudden. He simply loves getting in quarrels and fights for the bird-seeds and pretty much beats the others at it. And yea, he loves to twitter his heart away every morning!
Anyhow, I opened the door to drop off some of the left-over bagel pieces and assorted veggies where I spied my little feathered friend huddled up in a corner while the other sparrows ate their hearts out! At the first look, I thought he might have hurt himself, with all of his 'hurling- himself- around, i'm- a- hero' act. But when I took a good look again, I couldn't help but laugh, because it struck me that my buddy was hurt, very hurt! Apparently, it looked like he had fought with another sparrow about something(maybe it was the bird-seed again!), and instead of doing his usual act of 'heroism' he'd fluffed up in anger and squatted in one corner, with a very angry, disgusted look in his eye.
I laughed and laughed!
Unfortunately, I could not watch Max longer, as I had to shower and get dressed in order to get to work soon, but throughout the day, I couldn't take the picture of little Max outta my head. He is the cutest thing alive, and he made my day.

----------------------------------------------------
Current mood: cheery
Philosophy For The Day:Charles Swindoll once said: The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think, say or do. It is more important than appearance, gift, or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... The only thing we can do is play on the string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes.

Current music on my CD player: Maine Chukar Dekha Hai-BLACK
Current books that I'm reading: Calculus, Organic Chemistry & Physics!

I'm sorry,but..

2005-02-08T18:34:00.000-06:00

I have to admit, albums like Piya Bavari and Piya Basanti are an insult to Indian Classical Music. No 'aalap', no 'jor', no nothing. I'm ashamed at a guy who calls himself a "Pandit" can degrade indian classical to such a level.
I was searching for a specific song on MusicIndiaOnline.com, and ended up listening to Piya Bavari-sung and created principly by Abhijit Pohankar. I'm not trying to be all "high-and-mighty" here, but it is a fact. And any individual who has the slightest clue about Hindustani classical music will agree with me and say that the album is nothing but 'crap'.
With plain-very boring rhythm in the background, Abhijit Pohankar's tried to pull a "pseudo-classical-rock-pop" album,but it hasn't appealed to me. Nor will it woo the people who respect Hindustani classical even a least bit.

Currently on my CD player:
1)Piya Re-Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan(one of the very few of songs of his that I actually like!)
2)Champai Dhoop Ke Saaye-Movie: Leela
3)Some Rajasthani Folk Music(love the Sarangi!)
4)Ek Dinn Aayega-by Goher-Pakistani pop
5)Aaj Mera Jee Karda-Monsoon Wedding
6)Its My Life-Bon Jovi
7)Desert Rose-Sting
8)Karma-Buddha Bar IV
9)Sar Kiye Yeh Pahar-Strings
10)Bandeh-Black Friday(Indian Ocean)-a must listen!
........
Current Mood: sleepy
Quote For Today:Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail-Ralph Waldo Emerson
'Book'marked-Leo Buscaglia: Personhood-The Art Of Being Fully Human

The Relentless Coffee Addict..

2005-01-31T17:56:00.000-06:00

Being a avid coffee drinker(read: addict!), I came across this report by the Harvard Medical School
Excerpts:
Coffee has been blamed for everything from moral turpitude to cancer. But none of the bad raps have stuck. Coffee may even be good for you.
Older studies had linked coffee to a range of health problems, including pancreatic cancer and heart disease. But this early research didn’t take into account the real culprit: cigarette smoking, which was once a common habit of many coffee drinkers. We now know that in moderation — that is, a few cups per day — coffee is a safe beverage. New research suggests it even offers some health benefits, like:

1)Diabetes:The risk for type 2 diabetes is lower among regular coffee drinkers than among those who don’t drink coffee. In two studies, Harvard researchers found that women who drank 6 cups or more per day reduced their risk for type 2 diabetes by 30% 2)Gallstones: A Harvard study found that women who drink 4 cups of coffee per day have a reduced risk of developing gallstones. Coffee may alter the metabolism of bile acids, which trigger the formation of the cholesterol crystals that become gallstones. Coffee also stimulates gallbladder contractions, which may curb stone formation.

3) Colon cancer. Several studies have found a reduced risk of colon cancer in people who drink 4 or more cups of coffee per day, compared with those who rarely or never drink coffee. In 2003, German researchers reported that they identified an antioxidant in coffee called methylpyridinium, which boosts the activity of enzymes that may discourage the development of colon cancer. The compound is found in both regular (caffeine-containing) and decaffeinated coffee.

4)Cognitive function: Research involving older men and women participating in the Rancho Bernardo Study found that lifetime coffee intake is associated with better performance by women (but not men) on several cognitive tests. No relationship was found between cognitive function and decaffeinated coffee consumption.

5)Performance: Caffeine has been shown to improve endurance performance in long-duration physical activities such as running, cross-country skiing, and cycling. Studies suggest this effect occurs at doses of 2–9 mg of caffeine per 2.2 pounds of body weight. This is about the amount of caffeine found in 2–5 cups of coffee.

6)Liver disease. Researchers at the National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases have found a strong association between coffee drinking and a reduced risk for liver damage in people at high risk for liver disease. This includes heavy drinkers of alcohol, people with hepatitis B or C, and those with iron overload disorders, such as hemochromatosis. The highest consumption, more than 2 cups of coffee per day, was correlated with the greatest benefit.

7)Parkinson’s disease: Several large studies have shown a reduced risk for Parkinson’s disease in coffee drinkers. Although most of the data come from research in men, a 2001 Harvard School of Public Health study found that women who consumed 1–3 cups of coffee per day had a 50% reduction in risk for Parkinson’s disease, with no increased benefit at higher levels of intake.

Something fun:So you think you know everything about the highs and lows of java? Take this Quiz ( courtesy: NationalGeographic.com)

And also:

How Coffee Works

home.howstuffworks.com/coffee.htm home.howstuffworks.com/caffeine.htm

Learn the origins of coffee drinking, how and where the beans are grown, and the science of caffeine

PubMed from the National Library of Medicine

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi

Search for current studies on caffeine and health. Often only abstracts are available, but they provide a good overview of the results of the studies.

Pictures...

2005-01-25T21:25:00.000-06:00

I was casually browsing through Google,when I chanced upon this:

and this:

Both shot by an individual named David Anderson, who says about the first picture:

"The top 2 glasses are real and bottom 2 reflections. I suspended the top glass with fishing line. The drops of green are placed directly on the plexiglass. You should light glasses from behind. This is still tricky for me. The white background is a curved white poster board".

To see all of his 'simply amazing' work, click here

Reminisce..

2005-01-19T18:48:00.000-06:00

----Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things-----

I could not help but use these words of a beautiful song that always seem to make me feel alive. I have many things in life which are belong to my archive of favourite things.
------------------------
My Birthplace
------------------------
Ahmedabad,a beautiful place,unique in its own way. A place where I opened my eyes to, a place where I was cocooned in the warmth of a loving family and companionship of many a close friends, a place where I was allowed the chance to appreciate the simple things in life and how it mattered to be just happy. A place where the hustle and bustle of life taught me strength.. to forebear life's worse adversities and remain standing as strong as possible no matter what.

I love this place mostly because there are so many memories I made there. Happy memories and sad memories and when I look back behind every memory. I can visualize the blazing heat and massive thunderstorms which were always there with me when I was melting with joy or drowning in my sorrow.

------------------------
Family and Old Friends
------------------------

Family I cannot do without ... with whose love and support I always bring myself about.
I learnt the importance of family since the time I struck out on my own, I never realised that its so hard to survive without the support of loved ones. I was bent on making it on my own little realising what I would miss when I reached the goal I searched out for. But yes I can never do without them.. not when I am happy not when I am sad.

Old friends I hold dear.... and each and everyday I wish you all were here.

Old friends are scattered now and I would give anything to meet them and bring them into my lives. Its a way of life I know but I can never forget the warmth and simplicity of just being friends without much thinking about the future. Friends who stood by you no matter what, friends who shared the growing pains, friends with whom we shared our first crushes, friends with whom we crammed for exams and friends with whom we played the truant and got away with it. Wish we also had the opportunity to grow old together.

------------------------------------
Animals and their young ones..
------------------------------------
love them absolutely love them... a puppy's first steps, a kittens nestling in my shoulder for warmth, a leopard cub's playfulness, lion cubs, tiger cubs, horses. Most of all I love dogs more than anything else mainly because of their selfless love and infinite companionship..

-------------------------
Memories
-------------------------
Yes I have many and hope to make many. And I cherish them with my heart just by remembering. My first song, my first exam, my first singing lesson, my first crush, my first love, my first job, my first friends, my first failure..
Being so far away from home makes you realize that the things you took for granted were infact,the most important things of your life...
..yes.. before I go.. I would also like to add:

-----Hugs from my man, kisses on my forhead
Walking in the rain and then drinking hot chocolate
Wiggling my toes in fresh dew grass
Writing my thoughts and having good laughs
Painting my memories and riding the wind...
These are the few more of my favourite things .....

New Year's..

2005-01-12T18:34:00.000-06:00

The sun finally came out. After days and days of grey skies with rain and snow. It seems like the perfect beginning to a New Year.
Wish you all the happiest
of New Year's.
Each one of us will go through different journeys-and in big and small ways-change lives(maybe our own's).. forever.
My mother wrote this poem when I born..and almost 20 years later..I still read it-and smile.

NANHI PARI
Phoolon ki doli main aai nanhi pari
aashish ki potli main aai nanhi pari
sone se tapte dhoop main bani nanhi pari
shehed ke meethas main ghuli nanhi pari.

aseem pyar ka samundar parivaar main lai
kill-kaariya dhup si aangan main chai
nanhi bandh muttiyon main khushhaali lai
pav main rum-jhum main pavan si geet lai.

aakhon ki chamak barf par faile kirano sa
hoto ki surkhi khilte kamal pakhudiyon sa
muskaan ki leher sheetal mrudu pavan heelori sa
daud,masti,kud uchaal ulhad jharno sa.

Saari zindagi mannat magta hai
har koi khushi ki chahna main
humhe toh ek choti si khushi mangi
aur dhair saare saugaat liye aai
nanhi pari, khushiyan ki dhanak chai.

Quote for the day:"It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult".

Mixed Emotions..

2004-12-29T14:11:00.000-06:00

I was talking to a friend earlier this morning, and just happen to tell her what all I got for Christmas. And it just occurred to me, that maybe I should list it here.

1) A beautiful,beautiful photo frame cum photo album from my boss. It is studded with real Swarovski crystals! What makes it even more special is that it has my name engraved on it. It is pretty evident that my boss went to great deal of trouble,to get it done. But I think it is the loveliest gift ever.

2) Home-baked sugar and gingerbread cookies, alongwith a handful of Hershey's Kisses(my absolute, alltime favorite!), and two awesome scented candles( Cinnamon Apple and and Melon) from the Secretary,where I work!

3) A yummmyyy box of Butter Cookies from my co-worker!

4) A hand lotion( black berry and vanilla) from Bath and Body Works and a scented candle( a blend of harvest pumpkin spice, cinnamon roll,caramel butter and cinnamon apple) from Zainab

5) A hair straightner(something I always wanted!!!!), and a hair spray from Tara

6) A wonderful box(and a huge surprise!) from Mrs. Burke(Tara's mom). A beautiful dark blue colored cast iron teapot, three different varieties of teas'(Earl Grey, Lemon Lime and Blackcurrant) ..I was especially touched by this one, because it happens that my Dad loves Earl Grey tea, and Mrs. Burke made the very same tea for me when I was over at their place,which tasted exactly like my father makes it. I was touched to know that Mrs. Burke remembered this tiny thing, and sent me something which gave me wonderful memories again.
Alongwith the teapot and teas' came a lovely mug, which has become my favorite from the day I got it. Hand made,with shades of dark and light blue on it, it is what I drink my coffee and tea in everyday.

7)A awesome Tommy Hilfiger perfume 'Tommy Girl', from Amit(Mohanty)...I wear it all the time!

8) A perfume from Victoria's Secret, "Basic Instinct"..I was head over heels for this one,when I smelt it the first time, but was hesitant to buy it because of its outrageous price. Happened to mention this to a friend, and voila! it became a christmas present alongwith a 'Basic Instinct' body lotion and a small,black stuffed toy puppy!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I've never had a better and blessed Christmas before. I'm genuinely touched by the affection,love,warmth and care people have shown towards me. And I thank God for that. I prayed for peace,happiness and joy on the morning of Christmas, but the most horrific earthquake and tsunamic attacks ever recorded in the history of the Earth, hit South Asia-India,Sri-Lanka,Thailand,Indonesia,Malaysia and Maldives on the 26th. Large portions of their coastlines are wipped out, and even more-their people. The Red Cross confirmed that over 77,000 people are dead, and the toll could rise up to a 100,000.The day the world watched in horror, as so many innocent lives were taken without warning, was a day of much grief and shock that none of us will forget.
Inspired by Minnie, I donated, and I earnestly request you to do the same.Just a few dollars out of your pocket can make a big difference to someone whose life lies crumpled amidst the waves of destruction.

Please click and donate

Season's Greetings!

2004-12-24T13:51:00.000-06:00

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and the happiest of New Year's!

My wish for this Christmas and New Year's is a poem by Alfred Lord Tennyson,
My wish for all of you, is that you all keep smiling and that God bless you all...

Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,
The flying cloud, the frosty light;
The year is dying in the night;
Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.

Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.

Ring out a slowly dying cause,
And ancient forms of party strife;
Ring in the nobler modes of life,
With sweeter manners, purer laws.

Ring out the want, the care the sin,
The faithless coldness of the times;
Ring out, ring out my mournful rhymes,
But ring the fuller minstrel in.

Ring out false pride in place and blood,
The civic slander and the spite;
Ring in the love of truth and right,

Ring in the common love of good.
Ring out old shapes of foul disease,
Ring out the narrowing lust of gold;
Ring out the thousand wars of old,
Ring in the thousand years of peace.

Ring in the valiant man and free,
The larger heart, the kindlier hand;
Ring out the darkenss of the land,
Ring in the Christ that is to be.

Request..

2004-12-20T10:17:00.000-06:00

A earnest request to all those who read my blog everyday...if you're in knowledge of ANY sort of financial aid or scholarships available,that I can apply for, please let me know!
My specifications are:

1)F-1 Visa (student visa)--> birth country: INDIA
2)Undergraduate(sophomore..soon to be j-u-n-i-o-r!)
3) Majoring in Pre-Professional Medical Science
4) Excelling in Academics(3.78 GPA) and Extra-Curricular activities-President of the International Students Association(ISA) for the past one semester, and am continuing as Prez for the next(Spring '05)

Thanks a ton! Any help will be highly appreciated!

Astrology..

2004-12-19T10:13:00.000-06:00

My 'daily extended forcast' on Yahoo! says:Take a break from your regular routine and be of

service to someone else who needs a helping hand. You've been paying so much attention to your

own little world that you may have completely ignored someone else's signals and requests. Even

though you're not in the mood to move quickly, you can still make an impact. You can make a

difference, but you have to be willing to take that very first step.
So,should I be doing this to someone today...and let them know how valued they are in my life ?

I may not say this again and again, I appreciate all the people, who have made great contributions in my life,small or big, and made me smile through my problems, and held my hand through tough times, and always made me feel that nothing is as bad as it seems to be.
So, here's something in dedication to all of them:
If ever you need me,
I'll be right here,
to chase away the sadness,
and wipe away a tear.

If ever you need me,
I'll be two steps behind,
to follow in your footsteps,
and hear what's on your mind.

If ever you need me,
you'll never have to fear,
that your presence isn't important,
and your love isn't dear.
If ever you need me,
I'll always be around,
to bring back the laughter,
where deep in your heart it's found.

You'll never have to worry,
for I'll always be here,
to chase away the sadness,
and wipe away a tear.

Though I haven't penned this poem myself, it is very apt for those loving people in my life..just wanted you all to know, you're greatly appreciated.

I'm back...

2004-12-16T10:53:00.000-06:00

Its been a rollercoaster of a semester.I've had my up's,and I've had my down's. Despite facing some really tough times,and circumstances, I've come through. I've survived.
I've smiled.
"Why don't things ever settle down in life?"I must have asked people this question a thousand times. And I always get the answer " C'est La Vie(Thats' Life!). Sometimes, I feel I should have a deep introspection, and see inside where I go, with my good and bad. What I've been wanting for years, is it really what I want? Am I persuing fake dreams, ambitions? But a part of me vehemently argues: "You are just a silent observer to all this suffering, with so much that you can do, if you would only try. You've seen around the streets of India, children and people, thousands of people dying of hunger, AIDS, cancer. I'm one of the more than privileged people, who has so much, and who can give so much!"

Sometimes I feel like I should give it all up, leave everything, and wish I could go...here,sitting on the kneel of this tiny boat,surrounded by the vast ocean,and just ponder....

Favorites

2004-12-05T09:06:00.000-06:00

Haven't been updating for quite a while. Have been really busy with the ISA officer elections, work,and classes(with last minute tests and quizzes almost everyday in each!)
But promise,will start putting stuff up again,once these finals get off my back!-they start next week! Till then, adios!
On a side note:something nice for all of you.Found it on a website.Just a thank-you note for all who made my life feel like 'sunny-side up'..especially Zainab,Vikram,Amit,Husnain,Tara,Nilam,and many more...thanks a ton...:-)

The Comeback...

2004-11-18T10:35:00.000-06:00

I have been having some pretty rough weeks ..school life has completely worn me out.And it seemed(seems) like nothing's going right these days.
Something soothing:

I had a 8:00 AM Chemistry exam, for which I studied extensively through the night,waking up fresh & early again,to review a little more. Went to school, finish up with classes & tests, go to discover that somebody's eaten up half of the food I kept in the Admissions refrigerator(yea! it was my lunch!). This is the 2nd time it has happened ..and I really think that they need to look into whats going on! Anyhow, Zainab gives me a ride back home(I'm so thankful I didn't have to take the bus!..i was ready to drop dead!)..I get back home to discover that I don't have my house keys!!! Rushing about in the morning, I forgot them on the desk next to my phone! So, Iwas left sitting outside my apartment for the next 45 minutes, waiting for my brother to come & open it for me! I was exhausted,terribly hungry, & real frustrated! I dunno..life's tearing me down these days!
But,on the sunny side, it was gorgeous day,a gentle breeze,and tons of dried leaves blowing around. The postman came around, with tons of stuff for us(half of it was junk!). But what brightened my day immediately..was this:

Tumhare sapne
Ishvar ne tumhe diya hai
maanveay mulyo ka aseem dhan
aur tumhe diya hai,
sundar veechar aur komal sa mann

Tumhe ussne banaya hai sabse alag
tumhaare liye raah keeyay hai sabse vishal
Tumhaare sapne agar samarpit hai ussko
tumhaara pranagar lakshyavadh hai ussko
tumhaara karm,nishtha aur koshish
pal pal tumhe dega usska aashish
tumhaara savyamm par adig vishvaas, nishchitt
pal pal dega tumhe usska sahaara
Vo sahaara jo bhishan tufaan main bhi
choti se nayya ko keenaare pahuchaata hai
Vo sahaara jo andhkaar ko cheerkar
surya ki kirano ko failaata hai

Ho tumhaare sapne saakar
aur vaishvik ho
ho ishvar ki param krupa
aur karm falit ho.

Written by my Mom,on a delicate pink paper...enveloped in the smell of roses...it came to me, in a little scruffy envelope..& it made my day..& forget my troubles.

Diwali Ki Shubkaamnaaye.....

2004-11-11T09:26:00.000-06:00

Got these as greetings from friends & family..they're beautiful....could help but share...

2004-11-09T06:59:00.000-06:00

Pictures-3

2004-11-07T08:42:00.000-06:00

Blue:Eye Of a Peacock Feather

Rose 7 Purple

Salt,Pepper and Cilantro

Diwali's next week... miss blowing up the firecrackers @ 3:00 AM, watching them explode in the sky with multi-colored lights...miss dressing up in beautiful dresses,miss eating goodies, miss the ringing bells in the temples, miss the chants chanted by the priests, miss touching the feet of my elders & feel their hand on my head...miss Lights.. .. I just..miss..

History:* (What's Diwali)*- Festival of Lights
It is colloquially known as the "festival of lights", for the common practice is to light small oil lamps (called diyas) and place them around the home, in courtyards, verandahs, and gardens, as well as on roof-tops and outer walls. In urban areas, especially, candles are substituted for diyas; and among the nouveau riche, neon lights are made to substitute for candles.

The celebration of the festival is invariably accompanied by the exchange of sweets and the explosion of fireworks. As with other Indian festivals, Diwali signifies many different things to people across the country. In north India, Diwali celebrates Rama's homecoming, that is his return to Ayodhya after the defeat of Ravana and his coronation as king; in Gujarat, the festival honors Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth; and in Bengal, it is associated with the goddess Kali. Everywhere, it signifies the renewal of life, and accordingly it is common to wear new clothes on the day of the festival; similarly, it heralds the approach of winter and the beginning of the sowing season.

Diwali heralds the new, brighter future..and signifies the washing away of the old.
Each of the five days in the festival of Diwali is marked with a significant worship or 'puja' of a certain deity that differs throughout India. Each is also separated by a different tradition. But what remains the same throughout is that this day is a celebration of life, joy and goodness. From darkness we enter into light, and light empowers us to do good deeds and bring us closer to divinity.

I Drift Back......

2004-11-04T16:38:00.000-06:00

Have been busy and productive. I find my brain zooming with things; now if only my hands could keep up. I work,I study,I work,study,manage ISA,study,work..yada yada. I eat, drink, breathe the above three. And when I am doing none of the above, I find my head buried in this and in this.
Its starting to get near freezing now(40 C)...the trees have lost all their leaves and stand almost naked against the dark grey sky. But I love to hear the wind, as it whistles through the bare branches and runs its cool fingers through my hair.
I stood outside Panera today,and laughed at the fact that my breathe drew a mysterious cloak over the clear glass and I suddenly realize that there's quite a nip in the weather...its winter.

I walk in through the door as the heavenly smells of the bakery embrace and envelope me as I bought my special tomato-basil bread,with has just the right amount of garlic on it.. and I didn't want to leave..
I was tempted to sit there for a while with a cup of hot coffee..my favorite hot caramel latte, and a triple-berry nut muffin.I watched the people outside, button up their jacket coats,and tighten the scarves around their necks,as the wind played around.

I just didn't want to leave......

Pictures-(2)

2004-10-23T21:19:00.000-05:00

Thought of publishing some very beautifully taken pictures from a fellow blogger's website( I have to admit , I'm badddd at photography!) ...it is pretty evident that these people have worked very hard to make these pictures come out as they are,natural....

Random Pictures

Autumn

Blue & Shell

Pictures of Durga Puja(in Kolkata,India)

Goddess Durga

One of the most invoked forms of the Great Goddess is her manifestation as the youthful, multi-armed deity who successfully battles the mighty buffalo demon that symbolizes among other things, the elemental powers of brutish ignorance. In her this incarnation she is referred to as Durga, the 'unattainable'. The Great Goddess Durga was born from the energies of the male divinities when the gods lost the long drawn-out battle with the asuras (demons). All the energies of the gods united and became supernova, throwing out flames in all directions. Then that unique light, pervading the Three Worlds with its luster, combined into one, and became a female form.
Durga's name literally means "Beyond Reach". This is an echo of the woman warrior's fierce, virginal autonomy. In fact many of the figures associated with her are officially virgin. This is not meant in the limiting sense understood by the patriarchal order, but rather in Esther Harding's sense: she is "one-in-herself", or as Nor Hall puts it, "Belonging-to-no-man". As Harding further observed of 'The Virgin Goddess': 'Her divine power does not depend on her relation to a husband-god, and thus her actions are not dependent on the need to conciliate such a one or to accord with his qualities and attitudes. For she bears her identity through her own right.'

The Priests & devotees of Goddess Durga

Goddess Durga

Goddess Lakshmi

Goddess Lakshmi means Good Luck to Hindus. The word 'Lakshmi' is derived from the Sanskrit word Laksya, meaning 'aim' or 'goal', and she is the goddess of wealth and prosperity, both material and spiritual. Goddess Lakshmi, also known as Shri, is personified not only as the goddess of fortune and wealth but also as an embodiment of loveliness, grace and charm. She is worshipped as a goddess who grants both worldly prosperity as well as liberation from the cycle of life and death.

Goddess Saraswati & Kartikay
SARASWATI:
Saraswati is one of the few important goddesses in the Vedas who have retained their significance to the present day. Literary evidence suggests that right from the ancient times down to the modern, she is perceived in three major roles, as a river, as Vak (speech), and as a goddess. In the Vedas her character and attributes are clearly associated with the mighty Saraswati River. She is the earliest example of a goddess who is associated with a river in the Indian tradition. In a symbolic sense she suggests the sacrality inherent in rivers or water in general. While the symbolism of water is rich and complex in the religions of the world, two typical associations are important in Vedic descriptions of Saraswati. First, she is said to bestow bounty, fertility and riches. Her waters enrich the land so that they can produce. Second, Saraswati represents purity, as does water, particularly running water. It is stated frequently in the Vedas that the banks of Saraswati were especially sacred for ritual purposes. This also suggests the purifying powers of the river.
KARTIKAY:
He was the son of Lord Shiva & Goddess Parvati, and symbolizes rationality & science

Ganesha
All Tantric and spiritual worship in the Hindu tradition begins with the invocation of Ganesha (or Ganesh), the elephant-headed god.
Ganesha became the Lord (Isha) of all existing beings (Gana) after winning a contest from his brother Kartikay. When given the task to race around the universe, Ganesha did not start the race like Kartikay did, but simply walked around Shiva and Parvati, both his father and mother as the source of all existence.

Dushera
Dushehra, also called Vijayadashmi, is celebrated on the tenth day of the bright fortnight in the month of 'Ashvina' (September/October) and culminates the nine-day Navaratri celebrations. It commemorates the death of the evil king Ravana along with his son Meghanatha and brother Kumbhakarna.
According to the Ramayana, Lord Rama was the exiled prince of Ayodhya. While living in the forest, his wife Sita was abducted by Ravana, the demon king of Lanka. Rama attacked Lanka to rescue her. Sugriv, the king of monkeys assisted him with an army of monkeys. A fierce battle ensued between the two armies for many days. It was proving very difficult to beat the mighty Ravana. Rama then prayed for nine days to nine different aspects of Durga (also Navaratri) and accumulated enough strength to defeat Ravana. The Dushera festival relives the defeat of Ravana. Ramalila, a dance-drama narrating the story of Rama's life, is enacted for the nine days preceding Dushehra. Preparations for the Ramalila are elaborate. Traditionally only men participated in the Ramalila, enacting the women's characters also. The tenth day marks the end of the Ramalila when the final act of this drama is staged. Huge effigies(see picture), sometimes almost 100 ft high, of Ravana, his son and brother are made many days in advance, using colored paper and hay, which are stuffed with crackers. At the appointed time, a person dressed as Rama, shoots flaming arrows at the effigies, which begin to burn. Shouts of 'Jai Shri Rama' or 'Hail Lord Rama' resound.

Pictures of Bombay(INDIA)...

2004-10-21T18:55:00.000-05:00

Found this on a fellow blogger's site, couldn't resist but put them up!Like the owner of all these pictures,Minnie says "it's impossible to encapsulate Bombay in a few entries, but I'll try to give you guys a feel of the city, its people, and other anomalies that shape and define this metropolis."

JW Marriot: Lotus Cafe

I personally love this place..!

Victoria Terminus
Train Station: Victoria Terminus
(A few years ago, it was re-named as C.S. Terminus)
The Victoria Terminus was named after Queen Victoria on Jubilee Day, 1887. Construction started in 1878 based on a design by Frederick Williams Stevens, and was completed in 1888.

The Italian Gothic style, full of marvellous filigrees and carvings, deserves detailed examination. It has a series of well proportioned and delicately ornamented arches, giving it a look of a grand cathedral. The lancet windows in the tower are of ornate-stained glass, and like the rest of the building are made out of solid cut-stone masonry, superimposed by delicate carved work, designed in plaster. The arches and the windows are Venetian in style and overlook a 1,500 feet façade. The double columns which support the arches of verandahs and colonnades are of marble. Italian granite has been freely used for interior decoration. Monkeys and lions are mixed up among the buttresses, domes, turrets, spires and stained-glass windows. Topping it all is a 4 meter-high image of 'Progress.'

Modeled on the lines of the St Pancras Station in London, Victoria Terminus is undoubtedly the British Empire's piece de resistance. It is Gothic architecture at its best; an awesome edifice that most citizens view with deep pride.

Siddhivinayak Temple

dedicated to Ganesha, the elephant-headed Hindu God.
Devotees flock from all over and, on certain religious days, the serpentine queues outside the temple can go up to a mile or two.
Queen's Necklace

Beach

Rajabai Tower

Rajabai Tower is 260 feet tall with five floors. During the reign of the British Empire, this Tower Clock played more than 15 tunes, including "Rule Britannia."
It's located in the premises of Bombay University; its architecture is a mixture of Gothic and 15th century French style. Based on plans by George Gilbert Scott and completed in the 1878, the Gothic-style clock tower is said to have been inspired by Giotto's Campanile in Florence, Italy. The building, on the grounds of Bombay University.
The Rajabai Clock Tower is named after the mother of a 19th century stockbroker, who contributed towards its construction; it has a spiral staircase, which is unfortunately closed to the visitors after several unhappy citizens hurled themselves from the top.
The University Library has some of the most exquisite stained glass windows in Asia. These have recently been treated by British conservationists and restored to their pristine glory.

Bombay High Court

The Bombay High Court is a splendid Gothic revival building designed by a General Fuller of the Royal Engineers. Construction commenced in 1871 and was completed in 1878. The structure is 562 feet in length by 187 feet in breadth.
Some unobserved architectural feature of the present building consists of certain sculptures in odd nooks and corners of the walls and ceiling on the western corridor, which display sundry heads of wolves and foxes with counsel's bands round their necks, monkeys with scales of justice, foxes wearing barristers' clothes, pigs, tigers and birds cavorting in petrified jungles.The chambers are surrounded by Venetian style galleries.

Beauty...

2004-10-17T19:48:00.000-05:00

Pictures from INDIA....they still haunt my memories....
Back in black :Rain and the umbrellas ..

Litter: Along the Cauvery river, Sangama.

Green fields forever: Breathtaking...

Goodbye to another day! The sun sets. .

Long walk home : A little boy along the highway.

Picture perfect: A view of the distant hills...

Standing guard: One of my favourite shots.. A solitary 'machan' against the hills.

Has It Really Been ...

2004-10-16T03:49:00.000-05:00

In a quiet moment of reflection, I realized that I had completed a year and 3 months in the town of C-U(Champaign-Urbana,for the lesser informed!).
And I didn’t realize how the time had flown. I was chatting with Zainab, who I had met when I was about five month old here and realized that it has been 10 months since then!
I transited to C-U for both personal and educational reasons. I needed the change. I needed to get away and out of a rut that was killing me. There were some who wondered why I had given up the fast life of Ahmedabad for the relatively slower pace of C-U.But then,some were supportive enough in saying, "You're going to the UNITED STATES!"
But looking back, I have actually done more in one year and 3 months here than I managed in 18 years in India. I acheived a lot,nevertheless,but I didn't know what was missing...

While I was rushing about my daily job of getting to and fro from school,classes & home, I forgot the equally important things in life. I didn’t have time to travel. I didn’t have time to meet friends or vice versa. While the pace is definitely exciting and fast, I had to ask myself what I was rushing about for and what I managed to achieve in the end.
Here, the bus schedules are frustrating. I hate that everything closes at 9.00 PM(except bars & nightclubs). But on the sunny side, the weather is absolutely gorgeous. I love the fact that it’s bright and sunny on many days and cloudy and cool on others. And the snow is absolutely breathtaking! I like the unpredictability of the weather because it drives me slightly crazy :)& not knowing what to wear each day,and in the end,getting frozen to death to burning in the heat! I love the fact that I can walk a mile and still not reach the end of my campus. I love the greenery and space after the claustrophobic spaces one is used to in big cities. I love the architecture of the many buildings at the U of I, they're ancient..& beautiful...
C-U has been a revelation of sorts. But most of all, it has given me some time for myself, time to have silent reflections...time to sit & ponder with a coffee mug in your hand..and a breeze blowing through you hair... I lost out on doing that back in India, & miss being able to sit around with Mom & Dad,spending quality time...
Despite all the activities I keep myself busy with, I have been able to make time for the things which matter. Something I desperately needed. I was apprehensive when I moved. I think it’s always difficult uprooting oneself, and leaving behind everything you know and are familiar with. I knew exactly two people in this town when I first came here! I wasn’t sure how I’d adapt to a new place after spending the first 18 years of my life in India. & United States..was wayyy different. I guess it would have been less overwhelming(emotionally & physically) if I had moved within India,but this was a major leap..around the globe.
When I actually think back upon it, I am a 'lil amazed at myself,because I never dreamt that I was capable of not only adjusting to a new country,culture,surrounding & food-in a nutshell,I thought I wasn't an adaptable person at all! Moreover, jokes apart,I've acheived a lot,& its been a uphill climb all the way for me. But it has paid off in the end, and I'm happy & content with what I have around me today.
Besides,I have met some really wonderful people who have in their own small and big ways, helped me feel welcome,and made me blend in a very individualistic way with the C-U landscape & people. I like my quiet moments, but I am not one who can survive very well on my own for very long, so it’s been great having people I get along with and share common interests!Love you all!

Hilarious !

2004-10-14T10:22:00.000-05:00

These are actual ads placed on matrimonial sites!! A friend forwarded them to me, & I forward it to whosoever reads my blog !I just read this and burst out laughing! Grammar and spell errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart! Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this!Anyways,so here goes:

1)- Hello To Viewvers My Name is Somesha , I am single i dont have Famale, If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls viset my resident or send u letter.. Thanks yours Regards Somesha ~*~

2)i want very simple girl. from brahmin educated family from orissa state he is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
(Homework?)

3)Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. She may never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the entire life can run smoothly. thank you
(The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)

4)She should be good looking and should have a service. She Shoulsd have one brother and one sister. She should be educated.
(ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)

5) I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamgirl who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ...hold my hand forever !!!
(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)

6)i am simple boy.I have lot ofproblemin mylife because ofmylucknow i amlooking onegirlshe caremeandloveme lot lot lot
(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)

7)My wife should be as 'Parwati' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tulsi as in KSBKBT(Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi)......
(Okayy... I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure he must be demanding too much, ain't he?)

8)i want a girl with no drinks if she wants she can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house she should give recpect to our cast
(by not wearing her jeans?... ahem...)

9)HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GUY,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are laughing)

10)whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someone bride and she must think of the future life if she is toolike this she would bde called the lady of the lamp
(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this guy wants?)

11)i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok"...I think the person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome")

12) iam pradip my family histoy my two brother two sister and fater&mother sister complity marred
(somebody please explain how does one get married 'completely'?)

13) iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent. i am doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist.
(actually what is this guy doing? Postal service or tailor.??)

14)my name is farhan and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
(height of desperation!)

15)Iwant one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartly or she havea frank she's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey. IThink the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. but iam not a handsome person or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a good person. My father already expired . iam ''AEKLAUTA''. THE CHOICE IS YOUR. bye bye.
(uttama purushan)

16)I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT.
(maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits..but what I'm wondering is: is he a guy or a color?)

17)hello i am a good charactarised man. i want to run my life happily.i divorced my first wife.her charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits girl who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ...
(but credit cards are not??)

18) my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service
(Zebra..???)

19)i'm looking out for who lives in bombay, girl simple who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY.
(Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)

20)to be married on jan-2005. working woman perferable
(this guy has fixed the marriage date too! But he is yet to find a bride. I wish him best luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure he will get one soon.)

21)i would like a beautyfull girl. and i do not want her any treasure. because girl is the mahalakshmi.
(Now she is going to be a lucky girl! Any takers?)

22)ssc failed three times and worked with privated LTD company which not paying salary at present.
(Any takers again?)

C-U these days!

2004-10-10T18:07:00.000-05:00

It’s getting nice and chilly in C-U these days. Of course those who stay in way cooler climates won't think much of this weather. But it’s nice and pleasant. You can enjoy the chills without stuffing yourself with all those woolies for now. The cold, unfeeling wind that blows on my face while walking the kerb feels more comfortable than all the warmth the April sun could bring in. And then to come home and be welcomed with a kiss from my bird,Pi ... What more could I ask for?
With time and age people change, I have too. Although I am essentially the same childish, easy to hurt-easy to please, sensitive, sulky, witty gal I always have been, I am less short-tempered, impatient and somewhat less cynical! Another good thing has happened too. I don’t depend on anyone for happiness anymore. Life, still, is beautiful. Its almost the end of the year, with so many unpredictable, unknown and undecided days pose a wonderful challenge ahead of me. Bring it on, I say.
-- Had an argument or debate or just call it an conversation with a friend who was insistent of convincing me that it’s possible to like someone without meeting him or her. And that physical presence is not completely necessary. Well,my arguement is that even the bestest and closest of friends made on the Internet medium don’t last long. These friendships bloom only to fade, end or get deleted/blocked yada yada. Nothing lasts forever. Cynical, but a safe point of view. So much for being fearless and all!!! However, like Zainab says,"Time tells us everything..."..so maybe I should wait...dunno!
Anyhow,thought these lyrics were worth sharing...

AFFIRMATION
--Savage Garden

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people’s hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it’s bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I’m loved when I’m completely by myself alone
I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can’t appreciate real love until you’ve been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don’t know what you’ve got until you say goodbye
I believe you can’t control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires
I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity..

An Eventful Day

2004-09-29T21:34:00.000-05:00

I found this on a website,while casually browsing it...its beautiful, and so very apt....it very subtilely describes what's been going on....

An eventful day this has been,
One full of memories.
The blue sky, I conquered,
The day I seized.

Now I look upon the western sky,
Glowing red with the sun.
Gloom growing in the east,
The night has begun.

The night is full of countless stars,forming constellations.
I reminisce upon the day,
Upon the elations.
Light in the east is growing bright,
A new day as a slate.
A new slate to write on,
And to create.

I Learnt....

2004-09-26T18:08:00.000-05:00

Fluttering pigeons in the town’s square
Treading on grounds,
that may forever be unknown lands
I walk through time with endless reasons,
Passing days and months, with ever changing seasons.

Walking through the puddles in the rain,
It all occurred to me,
Even the smallest drop makes the difference,
where it leaves a flower to grow.

I dropped a pebble in the water,
A thousand ripples, I could see:
I learnt something of great virtue that day,
For I never knew how simple it could be.

My life is a blend of thousand ripples unknown,
With lives that are merged with my own.
The time stands completely still,
I watch the rain-drops hit the earth,
With a pigeon on my window-sill.

Unecessary Complications

2004-09-24T17:58:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, I wonder why life won't get simple. Will I not let get it simple... is it just because I love the drama!:) Or can I not handle a straight boring life! I am not sure. The more I look for answers... the more confusing it gets...
I've been getting real frustrated..especially in the past week, when I shouldn't have... and it is wrong on my part. I was all red like the MSN emoticon! When you are this fair, hell it shows!haha! Not much fun, I can tell you... I just wanted to go hide under a 3 inch thick blanket... I don't know why I get this mad..when I'm actually trying to work things out, and control my emotions!
Today, I really wish Mom & Dad were with me..miss them so! It's been a rough week. Almost manic in some sense. My only solution, so far.. sleep. Coz the problem is driving me nuts and its not something I have any control over...I probably should take it easy..& sleep(under my 3 inch thick blanket!)

Main Shayar Toh Nahi.....

2004-09-23T09:55:00.000-05:00

Two of my friends write such a-w-e-s-o-m-e poetry....I cannot believe how much depth they have in their poems,..and with what intensity they can write! wow..I just had to show it to the others, and not let these 2 poems go unnoticed !

Patriot never dies
I feel the pain.
But Why should I?
For it wasn't me.
And it was she.
Who went away in disdain.

Everyone is sad.
Every answer is nope.
Everyday is the same.
Every night is hope.
A new day will dawn.
And she will come home.

Bony Children and Weeping mothers.
Fat with dust, the poor fathers.
Wait for her with faces turning black.
Food emptying from their old stack.
And I...I just hope...she will come back.

Her child dies.
His father cries.
Day breaks with a ruthless fight.
Sleepless gets every night.
Horrible it is to live in fear.
When death is so very near.

All have left now, I am alone.
Nothing to eat, only food is stone.
But I live on the memories.
The laughs and the cries.
The jerks and the sighs.

And sometimes I collect.
Reasons why they left.
Their home, their land.
Futures they had planned.
Ohh...they were weak.
All tired, hopeless and meek.

I know this will be the last day.
I know I will give up today.
May be I should take a nap.
Dream last, before a long gap.

I smell earth, I hear silent drops.
Oh...I see people, I see shops.
Children playing all around.
Making just a sweet sound.
There is the tinkle of cattle.
And the murmur of a light battle.
I smile, but the smile is dry.
Then I cry, don't know why?
Water...its the water I want.
Oh...they are going...tinkle is gone.
No...I shout...everything is still.
Am I dreaming...yes...still?
I am dreaming...I was...I know.
They play again and tinkles flow.
I will dream...yes I will...dream till I die.
I had hoped and there is the dark sky.
She came, they are happy, so am I.
I will dream...dream I will...dream till I die.

Why do we fear?

Why do we fear,
never having attempted the unattempted?
And as the time comes near,why, to run away are we tempted?

I think it is the fear of failure,
or the disheartening feeling of rejection,
which leads us to apply prevention before cure,
because all that concerns us is our protection.

But I think we need a change of outlook,
because there really is nothing to fear.
Instead of doing everything by the book,
do by the ideals you in your heart hold dear!

One day we shall wake up,
and see that all that glitters is not gold.
And we won't have the time to make up,
for all the mistakes that went untold.

So be brave and follow your heart,
and don't just let things be.
Forget your fears and be smart,
won't you agree with me?

I Wonder.....

2004-09-18T22:13:00.000-05:00

It is amazing how you can make a person's day..maybe even make them smile for a long period of time...by just doing something you think is so trivial ! I always thought that a part of friendship includes doing things for eachother, but it was pretty good feeling to be told how grateful and good they felt after I did a obviously(for me...) very trivial and small thing for them!

I helped a friend to shop for some clothes..and it was such a nice feeling to know that he really appreciated it, and actually liked the kind of clothes, & actually called me late in the evening..so as to tell me how very comfortable he felt in them...& how people actually appreciated his look in those clothes..I was very glad to know that I helped him in a way that geniunely made HIM happy...& that's all that matters!

2004-09-18T22:06:00.000-05:00

I found this on a friend's blog...& I was so touched by it..I simply had to put it up here...

The majority of us lead quiet, unheralded lives as we pass through this world. There will most likely be no ticker-tape paradise for us, no monuments created in our honor. But that does not lessen our possible impact, for there are scores of people waiting for someone just like us to come along; people who will appreciate our compassion, our unique talents. Someone who will live a happier life merely because we took the time to share what we had to give. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have a potential to turn a life around. It's overwhelming to consider the continuous opportunities there are to make our love felt." -Leo Buscaglia

Think about it.

Footprints

2004-09-11T13:17:00.000-05:00

Cross the sea to find the shore
I look yonder and yearn for more,
The Sun is fading and I feel its warmth
when I wonder where I truly belong.

My steps leave prints in the sand,
hoping they would still remain in this no man's land;
because this sand is in a person's heart:
where no wave can spread it apart.

I live my my life with footprints in the sand....
Walking to the horizons, with trails behind
With dreams of the unknown land in my mind
Scattered sea-shells in my path I find.

dunno what to say !

2004-09-08T17:42:00.000-05:00

Its been a pretty long 2 weeks, because I've been terribly busy with the ISA and work, and ofcourse classes! Its been exceptionally busy due to tons of tests and HW's due this week. Anyhow, haven't been able to update my blog regularly,which kinda slightly indicates my sluggishness..!

Anyhow,as a compensation, I've been meaning to post this poem for quite a while. I originally wrote it over the summer sometime, but just didn't have a chance to type it up and publish it online. So here goes:

WORLD…………………..

It's time to open up our eyes, stop staring at the ground;
the only benefit has been the vast loose change I've found.

Perhaps time has come to cease brooding and become an active viewer and have a look around.
Slice an apple lengthwise and you will find a star.
Watch a lowly creature thrive with just some dirt inside a jar.
Look up and spy a bird's nest, against a skyline bleak.
Nature's perfect architecture-a nursery made by beak.

We humans, we spend so much time in thoughts about ourselves,
Accumulating useless things to display upon our shelves.
We consume and plan for future, and wrestle with the past,
Trade in our spirituality to be superior iconoclasts.

Notice the mathematical accuracy in the design of a pinecone.
Witness the working society of queen and all her drones.
Savor the haunting beauty in the call of a mourning dove.
Rejoice at blossom from a seed dropped by hapless breeze above.

We can fret about our mileage, our taxes and our purse.
Or perhaps just stop a bit to inhale our surrounding universe.
The waves will gently lap the shore whether we are here or not
-Creatures creeping back from near-extinction will gladly take our spot.

The sun will continue to brightly burn, why not feel it on your face?
The earth will rotate just the same without a human race.
The dolphins seem to laugh at us, they clearly are amused.
And mountain gorillas stare with knowing eyes, curious and bemused.
Pollen kisses flower, old growth gives way to new.
A thousand fold of crickets strum without regard to you.
We can continue to live our lives in some superior fog,or agree the world turns as one big wheel and we are not the cogs.

Again..

2004-09-04T15:26:00.000-05:00

A couple of days back...my sleep broke at 6:00 in the morning...and I couldn't go back to sleep...so it was me and my morning cuppa coffee in the balcony of my apartment.
The wind was chilly..and only the very few rays of the sun were making the sky aglow with orange light in the east. Sitting there made me realize once again,how simple life could be..and how we could enjoy it..if we only tried...

The magic of the morning stayed with me the whole day through...and this is what I ended up with...

'm grateful for the silent time
to think and make a plan
when the morning world is mine
I do because I can.

I love the quietude of dawn
before the sun's completely up
I rub my eyes and give a yawn
and fill once more my coffee cup.

The morning songs of birds awakening
in the misty dawn
Sets my very soul 'aquaking
like windblown grass of lawn.

The summertime morns especially treat me
with the springtime birds of song
the robins come to early greet me
the blue jays also come along.

Thank God for mornings, whatever season
they're a beauty to behold
I'll not be broke for any reason
because the mornings are my gold.

Beliefs.......

2004-09-01T19:24:00.000-05:00

A friend once wrote:
(excerpts)....
In certain cultures and religions heaven is regarded as a place of perfection and an everlasting happiness. Happiness is just a state of mind that is achieved by an individual when they are content with the environment they are in or in case they possess all of the things that they desire. For some people happiness might just be the company of their favorite people or successful realization of all their dreams and ambitions. As such, it is quite obvious that heaven too must be a state of mind, rather than a place, because happiness lies only in the mind.
Optimism in the darkest situations is the most important key towards happiness and finding the ever elusive happiness. Facing hardships and tribulations in life is inevitable, but it is our reaction to these that makes our life heavenly or hellish. If we choose to look upon hardships as an opportunity to learn and grow, a chance to better ourselves, then they seem less like problems and we can smile through them as well.
In my opinion, perfection marks the end of all growth and thus is unattainable. Rather, perfection is a state of being able to accept any situation presented and react to it with an optimistic outlook. As such, my perfect heaven is a place where life is full of challenges every single day. It would be a life full of mysteries that need to be solved and discoveries that need to be made. Heaven would bring me happiness, if I would be able to take any event in my stride and still keep the spirit of learning, exploration and experimentation alive deep within my soul. A challenge that enables me to grow, learn and improve is what heaven is to me. Thus, my heaven is right here on Earth, right now, because every single day is a challenge and allows me to learn and grow in ways that I did not expect before.

Simplicity

2004-08-28T22:24:00.000-05:00

When your days seem gone
and your nights are still,
breathe in the radiating
light of the dawn.

As you travel into waters,
let the liquid clean and kill,
purge your soul of all that hinders,
allow your mind to still.

Let the flame surround,
burn away all that's bad,
let your tears evaporate,
incinerate the sad.

Feel the wind pass through you,
take away the old,
let the new into your heart,
cherish it like gold.

Walk upon the silver beach,
let the sand erode the skin,
guide yourself into the sun,
and melt away your sin.

Don't rush down the road of life;
cherish all these, small and big.
Still your life and stop to think -
Take life, as it is, even thick and thin.
-SURABHI

2004-08-25T20:35:00.000-05:00

It’s started raining here and I looooove it, as I always did!! There's something about the rains that puts one in a certain mood, and something about listening to good music in this mood. :) Rim Jhim Gire Saawan has been my all time favourite; this time I have also been humming to 'Zara Zara' from Rehna Hai Tere Dil Main....

Sometimes, when I just sit and reflect on nothing in particular, I wonder if we do not miss these small but really beautiful and enjoyable moments of life in the daily routine of work. Early morning when I wake up, I just want to sit at the window sill and enjoy the cool breeze blown by the rains outside, but instead have to rush to class, so that I can be in the class on time, and then get to work. It is as if even though we're free, we're really not free. We're kind of tied up in our daily grind...and we don't look around. Life is made of these 'lil pleasures, which add up to be true happiness...or so I think....

But it is truly a topic worth debating...where does true happiness in life come from? within or is it externally motivated? Is it just a matter of perspective..or is there a true "way"to happiness?

I read this somewhere:
"There Is No Way To Happiness, Happiness Is The Way"

Back To School Days !

2004-08-22T21:31:00.000-05:00

School starts tomorrow..with a bang! It is unbelievable how fast the summer went by, and Fall is here..
For those of you who don't know and are not Champaign-Urbana residents, the temperature dip pretty low during the nights, and it is starting to get cooler during the daytime. I heard a lot of musing about how pleasant a summer this has been..and I agree..it really has been.

Nostalgically speaking, have been here for exactly a year and 13 days, and it is amazing how far I have come. Life gave me some pretty tough situations to face in my first year, which made me believe with full conviction that life is NOT a bed of roses. It is amazing how I came out of them,stronger..and I guess they've made me a better individual.
It is kind of funny how we humans tend to blame all the negative aspects of our personality on our "circumstances", but infact, we let those circumstances affect us, and let them mould our personalities. It is easy for me to say, but somehow, I strongly believe that if you bear up and resist against these so called forces that tear at you, you tend to come out stronger than ever.

Anyhow, enough of my nostalgia, i really have to get to bed..if i want to get up by 7:00 tomorrow, and attend my Chem class by 8:00...

Daily Woes !

2004-08-21T10:30:00.000-05:00

My life's like a wave-a high frequency of crests and troughs. Most of the times though, I don't let the depressing thoughts crowd at me, and try to think optimistic...but I think there are some times in our life when you just feel so upset and down, that you just wanna cry!(not that I feel like crying right now!)

Yesterday was one such day, not day actually,but evening. I was busy all morning at work, so I never knew when the half the day whizzed by. I got back home,stopping on my way to grab a latte and a blueberry muffin from my fav. cafe. I am generally not big on eating a hearty meal during the day, & I rather eat a filling dinner at night. So, there I was..nibbling on a blueberry muffin(which I kinda like a lot) and sippin' on a caramel latte...
I chatted with a couple of friends online for a while, and then went for a walk-because the weather was absolutely beautiful, with tree leaves turning from green to magnificient colors like red,yellow and orange. There was a slight and persistent drizzle of rain, which brought a certain amount of coolness to the atmosphere, and made the weather very..*romantique*..as I like to call it !
Anywayz, I walked along, breathing in the freshness around me, & thinking.."what could be better!?"....I met a neighbour on my way, who was out walking his dogs, so I chatted with him for a while, and heard his daily sob-stories(sowrrry Mr. Rorabaugh!..am just kidding!)..it was kinda nice seeing him again, 'coz he told me he had been sick for a while, which had kept him off his feet. He told me to come by see him sometime, and I said I would...( he makes awesome tea!)

I got back home, to get a call from my friend David,saying he would be picking me up in an hour 'coz we had plans of going to dinner with a couple of other friends, and then maybe later,watching a movie or whatever. So okay, there I was, swipping up some quick dinner for my bro, when my Mom called, to say hi...and while I was talking to her, my friend was there to pick me up,consistently knocking on my door. I told my Mom I would talk to her later, and I opened the door, to find nobody there. I stepped out into the hall, to get an awful fright from my friend, who jumped out from behind a wall !! it scared the s*** outta me ! Anyhow, we left for dinner(we were supposed to meet the otherz at an Walgreens parking lot(good heavens!!!!..couldn't they have picked a better place !!?)...so..we were out there..in the freezing cold weather, cursing at the onez who made it late to the place! Anyhow, on my insistence, we went to this awesome Chinese place on campus.."Mandarin Wok" ..just to find that we would have to wait a whole 40 minutes before we could order and get a seat !! ..and we were like..."ohh lord ! lets get outta here !"...I guess that was my bad luck, 'coz we ended up eating at a sucky 'ol Korean restaurant..
Anyhow, we get outta there after dinner, and 3 of my friends make excuses and take off, leaving just the 3 of us there...(why couldn't I have some friends who would stick around !!!)
The 3 of us rented the movie " Godsend"...which turned out to be pretty bad...(maybe the begginning of it was..'coz we watched only the first 45 minutes or so!)....we were so bored..that the other 2 took off too....leaving me..with absolutely nothing to do ! I was soo bored...& pi**** off...that my bad temper took up all the area of the my cerebrum...& I ended up shouting at Hemanshu....but I felt so much better after that...& I just fell off to sleep..after talking to him..:)

Anyhow, this was my day yesterday...which ended with me having a really crappy mood...!!ugh !

This is how my day ended yesterday,.....yuk !

Random Ramblings...

2004-08-12T15:55:00.000-05:00

You wake up one morning and you look in the mirror. You see yourself and there are times when you don’t like the look of it. You are dissatisfied with what you have been doing, and you go.."ugh!where does this end!?" What do you do? Do you just let it be or do you decide to do something about it. Life is funny that way. So many people don’t like what they are but they just let life drift along. I wonder why people do that. I wonder why when they know that it’s not right, they do nothing about it.
What does being really happy mean? Does it mean a great familycombined with a great career? Or is it different things for different people? You see, I’ve been doing some thinking about this in the past few days. Call me the philosopher or whatever you want to, but the truth is, you don't need everything right in your life to be truly happy. When I say happiness,I don't mean having all the people praising you,and you being at the top of the corporate chart, but infact,happiness comes from deep within. You just cannot expect the world to make you happy, because till the time that you're not content with yourself, the world would absolutely love to pull and throw you down. Somebody once told me, " If you're going up the ladder of success, and there are 2 people pulling you up,there will be 20 of them,pulling you down! It is your choice which way you wanna go-up or down!"
Very small screw-ups can lead to major disruptions in your "happy clock"-as I like to call it. Now, I know there isn’t a man on this planet that hasn’t a burden to carry. But that shouldn’t stop you from gunning for perfection and inner peace in life, should it? I have a great life right now and I thank God for it, and it’s far from perfect. Does that mean I will compare and contrast my life with others, and consider myself unlucky? No ! I want to strive and fall and fail, pick myself up again,and run this rat race.

Ambitions.......

2004-08-10T19:03:00.000-05:00

I have been often mocked and poked at when I tell people that I want to be a neurologist. My Uncles and Aunts daunted me by saying.." when will you ever get married?"..or " thats a long way..are you sure you can do it?" What I think they did not realize and still cannot comprehend is the fact that I have been highly motivated since childhood to acheive my dreams and goals. And I've seen so much pain around me...& it was even more painful to acknowledge that I could nothing toalleuviate their pain and suffering...

As a high school student in India, I worked extensively with the Missionaries of Charity and other local organizations to provide basic health care services to the lower level community and birth control information to women in rural India.
One of the major events that changed my outlook on life was the devastating earthquake that with a magnitude of 8.5 on the Richter scale struck my hometown of Ahmedabad in the wee hours of the morning of 26th January 2001.The gruesome sights of people lying buried under the debris, the tragic end of lives, brought tears to my eyes. In the villages of Gujarat there were no medical facilities, medical equipment and medical personnel. With their limbs buried deep under the concrete rubble men women and children remained trapped for weeks together till help could reach them. Not many lives could be saved. Those who survived were slow to pick up the broken pieces of their lives. This ghastly experience of disaster made me all the more determined to attain the necessary skill and ability to alleviate suffering and save human lives.If only I can bring solace to the suffering multitude I shall consider myself amply rewarded. I would follow in my life the precept and example of Mother Teresa who said "It is not how much we do but how much love we put into the doing, not how much we give but how much love we put into the giving, that matters" This is my dream, my sole aim.

Medical school in itself is going to be a long journey, and later 2 years of internship with 3 years of specialization in neurology. Even before I start med school , I have to complete 4 years of undergraduate pre-medical studies. I am in my sophomore year right now...and I have a long way to go. This comes to a total of 13 years of education. But I hope that after reading all that I wrote above, you can comprehend why I want to strieve to acheive what I want to.....

Walking in the Rain....

2004-08-10T18:45:00.000-05:00

It hasn't happened in a while....not rain in Champaign...but me getting completely drenched in the rain !:)
It rained pretty heavily last evening here...& I was out there, walking back from this coffee shop next to my place,Panera.I hurried along,hoping that I would get home before the rain got me,but it turned out that the rain was smarter. It poured...and there I was ..without an umbrella! & my first reaction to it was.."wow!"...but as I walked along, I enjoyed it! It bringz back some very sweet memories...

I absolutely loved getting drenched when I was back in India...& I still remember my Mom telling me that I would simply run out of the house as a kid...& jump up & down...just excited by the fact that it was raining! Even though I knew the consequences of havin' the sniffles or the flu afterwards, it seems now that I was ready to sacrifice those dayz of illness,for that simple moment of pleasure.............
Even after I entered the teen years, I loved the rain, and would quickly grab a cuppa coffee or tea, and sit by the open window, just smelling in those wonderful scents of the rain first hitting the ground...in India....it is known as the "saundhi khushboo". Those times were wonderful....& I do miss them so much.....

Poetry.com

2004-08-09T20:45:00.000-05:00

The following poem has been published on poetry.com and is going to be published in a book " Unknown Poets of Today". You can check this poem on poetry.com by going to: http://www.poetry.com/Publications/display.asp?ID=P5850944&BN=999&PN=1

Spark
A grain of wheat,a puff of dust
Is not as small as it seems
A little spark is all you need,
To build the castle of your dreams.

The spark that lights up the darkest skies
The spark that brings out smiles from cries
This spark is not yours,or only mine
It is in everyone who has a spine.

What is the spark?where does it lie?
This spark is a part of you,
It lies deep in you somewhere
Tells you when you fail that
It is not too late to start over again.

Spark is the will,the ambition
It is the flint that lights the fire
It is the urge to fulfill the desire
This is all I have to say,
But remember the spell as you walk the way,
Keep the spark from dying down& you'll see-you won't go astray.
Surabhi A Bhatt
Copyright ©2004 Surabhi A Bhatt

The Meaning of Life-Poetry

2004-08-08T22:27:00.000-05:00

THE MEANING OF LIFE

One day I met a wise old man
Who was sitting in the park,
And there upon the bench with him, We talked ‘till early dark
He told me of his travels;
To a far off distant land
Where the secret meaning of our lives,
Was taught to him first hand.

I listened to his story,
Amazed by what he said
The simple truth of which he spoke
Was knowledge not widespread.

In great detail he did explain,
What life was all about
And how the answer we do seek
We don’t have to be without
There was something in his message,
That I could not reject
A wisdom that I understood
So simple and direct.

My life forever has been changed
By the words I heard that day
A concept old as life itself
And by far the one true way.
An answer to the question why
And the reason we exist
Solutions I would not now knowIf my walk that day was missed.

was I Moonstruck? ~ *

2004-08-07T11:15:00.000-05:00

Having spent the whole day with my friend,window-shopping at the mall and different stores for an appropriate gift for my Mom and friends, made me yearn for some *cool* air of peace and quiet...which maybe lured me to the Moonstruck Cafe in Urbana...or was it the prospect of eating a chocolate cake---"Beautiful American Cake" as they called it !? I'll never know....

Anyhow, I walk into the cafe, order a glass of ice-chill water & the temptation of buying a slice of that yummy cake lunges at me,time and again. Finally,when I just couldn't resist,and neither could my friend, we ultimately decided to buy the $4.29...*eeeeekkk* slice of cake! but believe me, it was A~W~E~S~O~M~E !
Sitting by the window, I looked around at people who were rushing by to their duties,on a relatively pleasant Friday afternoon. It was amazing how you observe so many facets of life, walking past, with everybody having a different story hidden in there.
But there was a hunk who was sitting on the adjacent table, *pretending* to study~~~...flipping through his notes,scribbling some mere syllables on his notepad, and scratching them off again. I still wonder.....HOW do people study in a cafe where there is a constant pitter-patter of feet, a bell that rings consistently when somebody enters, and a monotonous hum of voices? It was evident that he wasn't studying at all, and was infact,staring out of the window at chicks everytime they walked by,which was every 5 seconds...LOL! On a side note, I do believe he was attractive ! ta !!

Anyhow, I had a kool day yesterday,which ended with dinner with my brother and friend at Radio Maria's...which is actually a very quaint 'lil restaurant in downtown Champaign. As I'm not intending to elaborate on what I ordered and blah, I'll just stop here, and call my niece over in Texas, whoz gonna be really pi**** if I don't call her in 5 minutes ! so,ciao!

My Day....!

2004-08-02T10:40:00.000-05:00

It is Monday morning,August 02,2004...& here I am, sitting and updating my blog,...I have to get to work in an hour's time...and I feel so lazy..not that I don't want to work, but just maybe that my body seemz to be slacking off..now that the semester's getting over on Wednesday. Its been such a busy semester, despite the fact that its actually supposed to be easier(atleast that was what I presumed!), but its been hard, but its been fun..so I am not really complaining..only my body is !
On another note, it was a kool day yesterday, with me hanging out with my brother and his friend,George. He's from Greece, and maybe the first person I've met from there ! I had a general impression that Greek guyz are H*O*T..but umm well..he's rather a good conversationist than a hunk ! But it was great talking to him, and he seems like a really nice person. During the conversation, I eventually found out that he seems to have pretty much a lot in common with me..like..preference on the genre of movies(he loves scary moviez, and so do I), he loves reading mystery novels..so do I...so..that was kool.. !!
George had his birthday on the 29th of July, so we kinda thought we could probably give him a belated birthday present, and so we went to his favorite restaurant, called " The Great Impasta"..wow...now thats an awesome name for a restaurant !~ I didn't even know a restaurant like that existed...but I have to admit, the food was goooddd ! I ordered a veggie lasagna with mushrooms,green peppers, permesan cheese, and onions.
During the dinner conversation, it was decided that we'all go see the movie " The Village" by M.Knight Shyamalan...but we ended up going to the theatre an hour before the show, so we ended up going to "Dairy Queen" next door(which by the way, is owned by an Indian dude), and George bought blizzards for all of us. I had the cookie dough blizzard...& was it scrumpilicious( that is the word I used to describe something that is sweet..and yuuummyyy !)
But~~~...the movie was a dampner..and I expected much more from M. Shyamalan's movie...considering the fact that all his past movie..for example, " Sixth Sense", are on my list of favorite moviez. Anyhow, I felt he could have done a much better job than what he actually did..but oh well, it wasn't all that bad either..:)
Its getting late now, and its 8:40 AM..so, I better get to work, & get to work on time ! so ta-da for now !

*~ It is not because things are difficult that we don't try them, it is because we do not dare, that they are difficult~*

inspiration comez standard !

2004-08-01T12:12:00.000-05:00

a fellow blogger, Vikram, inspired me to publish my poetry online on my blog too...so., here goes!

WORLD PEACE
Mystifying beauty, Captivating dreams
Never-ending rainbows,
A world so full of dreams
These are misled thoughts;
Our world is not like this,
Hate has scoured our minds,
Hate will cause our deaths

Looking to the future,Right now seem very bleak
War is now an issue
Peace is for the meek
Ignorance of man
To look beyond ones faults
Has caused a misconception
Of others like ourselves

A join of hand and heart and will,
Would put and end to this
The same value placed on others
Like we place upon ourselves
Would end the hate and violence
That’s tearing out our hearts

When this is done,
our worlds completethe pain and hardship gone
and once again,
just like before
Peace will lead us on.

missed blogger+pyshcological update !

2004-07-30T00:25:00.000-05:00

I've been terribly busy since the past 2 weeks, jus' workin' my b** off on my English and Pyschology term papers...its amazing how I managed to finish both of them on time !
On a side note...I wanted to make a mention about obsessive-compulsive disorders......I heard about a real-life incident, in which a lady.anonymously called Mrs. C, was so obsessed about washing her hands, that she would wash them atleast 15-20 times a day, for 10-15 minutes each ! Furthermore, in the first 13 years of her marriage, she bore 7 children, whom she all named in alphabetical order...& gave birth to a child every 2nd year!!! Not only this, she was obsessed about teeny things like not picking up dropped forks, knives or anything that once hit the ground ! She stocked up on towels and bedsheets, and had 100's of unused bedsheets and towels stacked away in the closet. She moreover insisted that her children wear their underwear only ONCE, and literally threw them away, after they had been worn once. Her flustered husband,reportedly, spent over $700 just on underwear...and could not tolerate her obsessiveness anymore. He finally contacted psychologists, who after assessing the situation throughly, determined that Mrs. C had a authoritarian father, who brought up all his 3 daughters with a iron hand, and furthermore, allowed no conversations related to sex, men, alcohol or drugs within the house. He would wait up till his daughters would get back from a date, and in one situation, followed his daughter when she went for a date!!! Mrs. C's mother,on the other hand, was a sexually frigid, suppressed woman, who expected all 3 of her daughters to be meticulous in their work, with strong emphasis on hygiene. It was later determined that Mrs. C suffered from the "obsessive-compulsive disorder".

If you have any comments on this, please update...let me know:

"How do you feel after reading this?"

laziness revealed !

2004-07-22T23:25:00.000-05:00

ahah! I've been so very busy writin' my English term paper...that I've ignored my blog completely ! but it is jus' that my eng paper as well as pysch paper is due by Monday...& I'm real busy writing it ! anywayz, I havta get back to it..so cheerio!

secret revealed!

2004-07-17T11:40:00.000-05:00

We "surprised" our friend, Tim,with a surprise birthday party...but it was kinda a 'lil damp..after we knew that he had to do 4 assignments in 2 days!..i.e.2 papers and 2 quizzes. Anywayz, we had an outdoor BBQ, where my friends Luis and Raamu bbqed meat, corn,etc, and people also made hamburgers and hot dogs. We also bought a 2 layer chocolate cake with cherries on top...scrumpilious,eh?... : P
Anywayz, the party lasted till about 8:15 PM...and then a bunch of us went out to see the new movie "I, Robot", starring Will Smith. I think it is a absolute must-see movie for Will Smith fanz, as he has a pretty dazzlin' performance...and plus..the overall location settings, story-line,etc is awesome! Anywayz, most of our friends attended the party...& it was wonderful seeing everybody again ! I skip to the gym right now, so will write more later ! khuda-hafiz( meaning "goodbye" in Urdu).

secret?

2004-07-15T22:02:00.000-05:00

I am keeping a secret...and I am not tellin'...;)......but you'll know by tomorrow anywayz !
have fun ! & keep visitin'...!

Personality Disorders?(me!!)

2004-07-13T18:40:00.000-05:00

ahahaha ! don't start guessin' already !!lolzz...! I don't have any personality disorders..its jus' that my Psychology semester paper is on "Personality Disorders". Its pretty interesting...am putting in more effort than I ever felt I could...I realized that I had to do TONS of research before I could even outline and then formulate a paper!!whew! But I guess its improved my knowledge on personality disorders...for e.g.why individuals with anti-social disorder act the way they do!! Did you know...Gianni Versace was murdered by Andrew Phillip Cunanan, who apparently had a severe hit of the anti-social disorder...which lead him on a crime spree and then to his suicide in 1997. pretty interesting,huh !? Do lemme know if you have any comments!

Wake Up Call For Rural Women In Nagpur(India)

2004-07-10T21:10:00.000-05:00

As bbc.com describes it:"It is a tale of triumph over adversity, of one determined Indian girl defying poverty, social prejudice and intense competition to make something of her life"
Link:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/3871631.stm

World Appeal

2004-07-10T21:00:00.000-05:00

Isn't it time that we stopped killing people, and aided their survival instead? An article on bbc.com, explains " Iraq appeals for health funding":The new government in Iraq has made an urgent international appeal for funds to buy medicines.
Link to the whole article:http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/3883545.stm

G-mail?

2004-07-09T17:58:00.000-05:00

What's all this hoo-hola about the G-mail account? Two of my friends out here have a g-mail account...& seem pretty excited about it...wazzup???

muzik linxs!

2004-07-08T15:47:00.000-05:00

Hi !
People who wanna listen to all kinds of Indian music..go to wwww.raaga.com or musicindiaonline.com the sites specified...& enjoy! You can also download indian songs from muzic4u.cjb.net(but which only contains latest film music,pop and remix albums)..ENJOY!

HAPPY INDEPENCE DAY(Belated @_@)

2004-07-06T08:22:00.000-05:00

Happy Independence Day everybody! Even though it comes a little late..on the 6th of July,instead of the 4th, it still comes with the "heartiest" wishes...!!! my internet was down for some unknown reason..so..!
anywayz, I was just wondering why the Americans would wanna celebrate Independence Day with so many of their soldiers coming home wrapped in the flag...:-( its kinda sad...probably it should have been a 'lil low key or something...but oh...I dunno!! :D
By the way, the above sentences don't come as an offense to anybody...& I DO NOT mean to hurt somebody's patriotic feelings, but I feel pretty strongly about what's going on in Iraq right now...& I am sure a lot of people feel the same way I do..

God bless America ..!!

MSN Messenger Newz!(officially suxs!)

2004-07-03T16:16:00.000-05:00

I hate to say this...but...MSN MESSENGER SUXXXXXS! I've been trying to connect to it since yesterday..it keeps giving me the message..."There was a problem connecting to your messenger..Error code 0x81000306"!!!!
Are all the MSN messenger users out there experiencing the same thing? lemme know!!

woo-hoo!

2004-07-02T17:15:00.000-05:00

This is the 4th of July long week-end....:-D & I am probably gonna go to Monticello, a town maybe 20 mins away from here..to attend a dinner & fireworks thingy tomorrow!& plus,on Sunday, which is actually the 4th of July, I am going to the Uni Assembly Hall to watch the fireworks again,with my friend, Nilam!
I've been so darn busy with work & skool,that I've hardly had time to sit back & relax..maybe this is my best chance to do so!
oh! excuse me..I forgot...I have to type up my Psychology report soon !tee-hee!

Busssyyy Group!

2004-06-23T21:29:00.000-05:00

I've been soo busy since the past 2 weekz..that I've had practically NO time to hang out or even MEET any of my friends..I guess all of them are very busy too...but I do kinda think of them at timez...& go.."where the heck are they!!? & what are they up to!!?"..hahaha !but it whould be kinda kool..if I could meet up with them sometime..though I dunno when that would be..but..hehe! it would be lovely to see all of them again !

Liberation !

2004-06-22T22:02:00.000-05:00

I was just reading some World News on bbc.com, and I came across this article..of 2 Afghan women..who are all set to make it to the OLYMPICS! check it out for yourself !!http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/3826673.stm
These are the women who were banned under the Taliban rule..and are now all set to go to Athens to represent their country in the Olympic Games !

Merry Christmas!

2004-06-22T12:31:00.000-05:00

Wishing you all the best of Christmas's and the happiest of New Year's!
A poem by Alfred, Lord Tennyson,England's Poet Laureate ..penned this. Titled " Ring Out,Wild Bells", it is my wish for all of you..God bless you all..

Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,
The flying cloud, the frosty light;
The year is dying in the night;
Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.

Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.

Ring out a slowly dying cause,
And ancient forms of party strife;
Ring in the nobler modes of life,
With sweeter manners, purer laws.

Ring out the want, the care the sin,
The faithless coldness of the times;
Ring out, ring out my mournful rhymes,
But ring the fuller minstrel in.

Ring out false pride in place and blood,
The civic slander and the spite;
Ring in the love of truth and right,
Ring in the common love of good.

Ring out old shapes of foul disease,
Ring out the narrowing lust of gold;
Ring out the thousand wars of old,
Ring in the thousand years of peace.

Ring in the valiant man and free,
The larger heart, the kindlier hand;
Ring out the darkenss of the land,
Ring in the Christ that is to be.

woo hoo !

2004-06-21T18:06:00.000-05:00

Its pretty kool..'coz I am doing pretty well in both: my Psychology and English class! & work is good too..even though Deborah is not here...& I am pretty much alone with Kylie...& sometimes,I bug her about stuff..when normally I bugged Deb or Barbara !hehe!anywayz..I screwed up a 'lil today..'coz instead of scheduling a appointment in the PM section...i did it in the AM one!!!so,Kylie ended up having NOTHING on her Calendar...thus disabling her to view her appointments for the day !! ugggh ! i felt so bad! & plus,there was this guy who called from abroad...& instead of tranferring his call to Kylie,I accidently disconnected it !!!! it was so bad! I felt kinda bad..:-( but anyways.
Rest is all kool...am a 'lil tired rite now..so..will write more later !!

the busy BEE!

2004-06-17T16:59:00.000-05:00

I can't believe I haven't put up a single post since 06/11/04! Its been literally SIX dayz since I've even logged into my blog!lazzzziness I tell you! but oh anywayz ! I have been pretty busy since classes start on Monday....& plus! I work at the International Student Services Office...so,right after classes,I have to work ...:-) but I really feel this is the most fun job! I get to learn something new everyday....& get to interact with different kinds of people daily. My boss, Kiley Owen,who is also my advisor, is a wonderful person to work with...& so is her Secretary Deborah...though she's gonna be on vacation for the next one and half weeks!! :-( but i believe thats gonna be a very trying experience for me, and that'll help me gain confidence in my abilities and work....!!! My co-worker Barbara is fun...& its great to work with her....she's been working on and off with the International Student Services since the past 3 years...so she's much more experienced than me...& she shows me around places,like where to drop off letters for mailing and stuff. Classes are going kool, and I really like both my professors..though on my first day of English class...I found the professor Lynn Myers a little....ummm...lets say...."un-interesting"..hehehehe! But now that I know her better..she seems really nice & helpful! My Psychology professor, Michael Lasswell is AWESOME! he's really funny...& makes the class atmosphere so informal and fun...its kool...!
I guess that's pretty much it for now....but i'll update new stuff soon..so stay tuned !!! CIAO!

LAZZZYY

2004-06-11T23:00:00.000-05:00

I've been so darn lazy these dayz...& haven't updated my blog at all since maybe 6th or 7th of this month! but its jus' that my aunt is over from Baltimore for a visit...& I've gotten so busy with stuff..I jus' don't get time ! But anywayz, summer semester starts from Monday...& i gotta work Wed & Thurs too..so its gonna b one hectic semester....but oh well....no grumbling!!
Anywayz, have been lazy abt e-mail this frnd of mine..Raamu..& I jus' don't get a chance! & whenever I try callin' him...I end up with his voicemail...& never gettin' a call back from him if I leave a msg! anywayz Raamu, if u read this anytime soon..contact meeee !!!! if not on phone..then definitely through e-mail...there's LOTS I need to talk to you about! ciao!

another movie review !!

2004-06-07T21:01:00.000-05:00

As I posted an earlier post on the movie review of "Harry Potter-Prisoner of Azkaban" ...I thought I might as well put up a movie review on the movie I saw a couple of weeks back...." Mean Girls". It is one of those most typical chick-flicks,where there's inter-girl competitions..same ol' succckkkyyy stuff...if you are not a chick-flick fan...PLEASE DON'T SEE THIS MOVIE!!!!!!!

movie review

2004-06-07T20:41:00.000-05:00

We saw the latest Harry Potter movie on Saturday...it was pretty much okay...though I think its much better as compared to the first two onez in the respect of direction,photography & stuff..
I haven't read any of the Harry Potter bookz...& have merely watched the movie( on my niece's insistence!)....but a friend of mine tells me that there are a lot of things in the new Harry Potter movie that go unexplained...which are explained in the book...& thus, if a person hasn't read the book, & goes see's that movie...they would be in complete fog about some of the stuff...so...:D...all of ya who wanna c the HP movie...but haven't read the bookz...BEWARE!hahahaha!

movie

2004-06-03T10:29:00.000-05:00

we're all planning to go for the movie " Harry Potter-Prisoner of Azkaban" on Saturday...anybody interested in coming? lemme or Tim know!

uh huh

2004-06-02T14:01:00.000-05:00

=)..i'm freeeee ! i feel very happy today 'coz i actually was able to walk & go to college...& plus ended up gettin' good newz abt a scholarship & a pending job offer! its awesome! i'm kinda really happy rite now...& its gr8!

helllooo !

2004-05-30T12:36:00.000-05:00

Howdy everybody !
howz everything going? I'm kinda tired 'coz i can't move around that much..& that kinda makes me freaked out...'coz i wanna go to the gym & work out...but unforuntately...I CAN'T !!!! i'm so stuck in the house with pretty much nothing to do..except study pyschology! anywayz...let me make the best of it...& maybe ask my friends or my bro to rent a couple of moviez...& watch it at my place...! THINK POSITIVE ! ahaha !
ciao!

yiieeekks !

2004-05-29T23:06:00.000-05:00

Hello!
I was kinda freaked out today...'coz i was at my friend's place for the party...& then we went canoeing..& the boat was soo tipsy & ready to turn upside down ...I was completely knocked outta my wits..it sucked!!! but anywayz...my foot's so much better now..& atleast i can "hobble" around...hahahaaha !
Rest is all kool....I dunno wat else to say anywayz...& plus..m so sleepy...well..ciao for now!